My New Extended Family

December 14, 2008

I’m sitting in the meditation hut as I am writing this.  I’ve been working on my final presentation but I guess that I just needed a break.  I’ve been thinking too much about other things to really focus on the task at hand.  Over the past four months I’ve been thinking about going home, but today I’m thinking about what I am going to be leaving behind.  There is so much to go home for but there is just as much to stay here for.  I had so much fun last night and I really want to continue having fun with my new friends here.  I have built some amazing relationships and I don’t want them to end.  We are going back in a few days and we will be going to different directions.  Some to Gustavus, others to Concordia and some not going back to school at all.  Our little group is breaking up and I don’t want that to happen.  I’m so afraid to be without them.  We have stuck together through thick and thin and we are leaving each other.  Just when things are starting to get really good, we’re leaving each other.  I have been side by side with them and I don’t know how I’m going to go on without them.  I really wish this wasn’t happening.  I want to see my family and friends but I don’t want to let these people go.  I didn’t think that I would ever get to this point, but here I am holding back the tears.  Tears for what I am about to lose.  How could this have happened to me?  How could I let myself become so vulnerable with these strangers?  I guess we’re not really strangers anymore.  We are family now.  I want to thank all of them for making my experience so wonderful at times.  Thank you Karly, Kate, Auzzie, Brianna, Andrea, Dusty, Jesse, Erin, Amanda, Gee, Nick, Marty, Dimitri, Jon, Steve and Jonathan.  You have all made this experience awesome.  I have been blessed to have each of you in my life.  I am so happy that we will always have this experience together.  Things were not always easy but we made it through together.  Wow.  I all of the sudden got really cheesy, but I don’t care.  I really mean all of these things.  I could never have done this without you guys.       

Play It Once More, Bangalore!

December 13, 2008

Today was our last Saturday in India.  I can’t even believe it.  I didn’t do all that much today.  I spent the day thinking about what I want to say during my presentation on Monday, but I didn’t get any real work accomplished, but that’s okay.  I have all day tomorrow to get stuff done.  I’m definitely still a college student.  Using my Sunday to finish what I should have done today. 

Six of us went into Bangalore this afternoon to do some shopping and then meet with the rest of the group for one last group dinner. We are definitely becoming pros at this now.  We rode the bus into town and got out at the night stop and everything. We walked around the crowded city.  I almost got run over on several different occasions, but when doesn’t that happen here?  I never thought that I would be able to get around this massive city without a guide but we did just fine.  We even found what we were looking for and didn’t have to ask for directions at all.  We are so awesome.  I tried to use up what was left of my rupees but I didn’t see too much that I really liked.  I guess that I’m going to have to go back to the city at least one more time before we leave.  We finally arrived at the restaurant and had dinner.  It was pretty good and it was nice to have everyone together for a nice meal.  Except Auzzie, because she decided to go on a date with some random guy she met.  How nice of her!  The best part was that she never came back to Visthar tonight and is still gone.  I hope she’s okay.  Anyway, we had fun without her.  Brianna, Jesse, Erin and I decided that we were going to do a little more shopping before we left the city for the night.  We had a lot of fun walking around the city.  The funniest thing happened to us on the way back to Visthar.  We hired a rickshaw to take us back and it was awesome.  The roads are really bad on the way to Visthar and the driver didn’t know it before.  We got to the unpaved section of the drive and our driver started saying, “ahhhhhhhhahhhhhhhahhhhh.”  It was hilarious because we were going over bumps and he sounded like a little kid riding his bike on gravel.  I was laughing so hard.  He didn’t stop doing it the whole time.  I thought that I was going to pee my pants.  Only in India.  What an awesome night!  

A Little Reflection

December 12, 2008

My time in India is quickly approaching the end.  I have 5 days left in this country and I can’t help but reflect on everything that I have done in the last 3.5 months.  I spent some time today looking at pictures from earlier in the trip.  We have done so much.  It’s hard to believe that we have really been here for this long.  As I have said in previous entries, India has a way of changing people.  I know that I have changed in more ways than I could have ever imagined.  The other people on this trip have changed too.  I am truly amazed by this group of students.  We were all strangers 3 months ago and now I know that I am really going to miss them.  We have been through so much together.  No one else will really be able to understand how I feel about the things that I have done.  When I get on the plane on Thursday I know that I will feel excited about going home but I think that I will cry because I will soon be leaving these people.  It took a long time to become close with everyone but now that I have I don’t want to leave them.  We are going to a group dinner tomorrow night in the city and I just know that it’s going to be emotional for a lot of us.  I really hope that we will all stay in touch once we are back in the states.    

I Need A Break

December 11, 2008

We had a short session this morning.  We are now in the process of wrapping up the trip.  We talked for some time about what it’s going to be like going home.  We started by talking about our expectations of the course.  This list of expectations was written out from the very beginning.  It was a long list about what we expected to get from the experience.  I thought about my own expectations and I know that I have met them.  I did what I came to do in India.  Some of the expectations were met without me even realizing it at the time.  My greatest expectation was to get out of my comfort zone, and I did just that.  I got so far outside my comfort zone that I couldn’t even see that zone anymore. 

After the discussion I got really nervous about going home.  I really want to go home but I’m afraid of what it’s going to be like.  I have one more week in India and then it’s over and I might never come back here again.  It might be the last time I’m here.  It’s defiantly a bittersweet feeling.  I’m afraid of what’s next in my life but I’m happy that I’m going to be with my family again.  I wonder how my life will change.  I wonder if people will still see me as the same person.  Will I still be able to make people laugh?  It’s a little terrifying wondering if people will still know me.  I want to prove that I am the same old Michele just a little different.  I don’t want people to think that I know the world because I don’t.  I’m leaving India with more questions than I started with and I’m more confused than ever before.  I have always thought of myself as this unchanging person and now I’ve changed and I know it.  I can’t give specifics but I know I have.  Wow.  Reflection is really hard.  I feel like this entry is just full of stuff and it doesn’t really make all that much sense.  Oh well.  My brain is just going in all different directions right now.  I think I need a nap or a drink or something.  Oh, India!  Look at what you’ve done to me.        

It's Final Project Time

December 10, 2008

I’ve spent the majority of the day working on my final project.  It’s amazing that I am finally to the point of this experience to be working on the final project.  I’m really excited about it too.  I’ve been working on it since October but now its finally coming together.  Through missions at church I have been able to raise money for the Bandhavi School here at Visthar.  I’m really hoping that this will be a lasting relationship between Visthar and my home church.  I think that I will be able to get the congregation excited about helping a school about 10,000 miles away.  I am often surprised by how willing people are to help out people they will never have a chance to meet.  I feel so good about this whole thing.  That’s all for today.  

A Changing Perspective

December 9, 2008

We made it back to Visthar last night around 11:30.  It was so strange coming back here.  The last time I was at the Bangalore Airport was on August 30^th.  That was the day we first got to India.  I remember being so confused about everything.  The driver was on the wrong side of the bus and we were driving down the wrong side of the road.  I was so curious about everything that was going on outside of the window and I wondered how I was going to learn everything about this country in 4 months.  I had so many questions and no one to direct them to.  I wonder if my mouth was hanging wide open the entire way to Visthar the first time.  This time the drive was different.  I found myself smiling about everything around me.  I smiled because I felt a huge sense of pride in myself.  India has been hard but I have finally figured out a few things.  I still get surprised by some of the situations I end up in but now I feel like I can actually face them.  I still have a lot left to do in India but I think that I will be able to face this challenging week head on.  I didn’t make it this far just to give up.  I have an awesome final project to do and I think that will be more fun than work anyway.  I’ve got to get back to work.  

Traveling Makes Me Tired

December 8, 2008

We are sitting in the Mumbai airport right now waiting to get our tickets figured out.  For some reason things aren’t working out the way they should be.  I just want to get through security, get on the plane and get back to Bangalore.  I really just want to be back at Visthar and getting this trip wrapped up.  I feel like I still have so much left to do here and so little time.  I really just want to go back home.  I want to have a chance to relax and feel sweet freedom.  I want to be able to come and go as I please and not have to answer to anyone but myself.  Ever since coming to India I have felt trapped.  We are constantly moving and being asked to do so much.  I have forgotten what it feels like to have a free weekend.  I know that I’ve said it before but it feels like we are in class 24/7.  I’ve been wondering what I will miss about India when we leave and I haven’t come up with anything yet.  I realize that doesn’t sound very good.  I’ve been living here for almost 4 months and I won’t miss anything.  Maybe I just need to take a step back and take a deeper look into the experience.  There’s a lot of reflection that needs to happen within myself.  I think that the hardest part is knowing that there’s so much that I will need to do by myself.  It’s hard to think about this reflection in terms of doing it on my own.  It’s actually really sad.  Great.  Now I made myself sad.  I’m done for the day.