I Need A Break

December 11, 2008

We had a short session this morning.  We are now in the process of wrapping up the trip.  We talked for some time about what it’s going to be like going home.  We started by talking about our expectations of the course.  This list of expectations was written out from the very beginning.  It was a long list about what we expected to get from the experience.  I thought about my own expectations and I know that I have met them.  I did what I came to do in India.  Some of the expectations were met without me even realizing it at the time.  My greatest expectation was to get out of my comfort zone, and I did just that.  I got so far outside my comfort zone that I couldn’t even see that zone anymore. 

After the discussion I got really nervous about going home.  I really want to go home but I’m afraid of what it’s going to be like.  I have one more week in India and then it’s over and I might never come back here again.  It might be the last time I’m here.  It’s defiantly a bittersweet feeling.  I’m afraid of what’s next in my life but I’m happy that I’m going to be with my family again.  I wonder how my life will change.  I wonder if people will still see me as the same person.  Will I still be able to make people laugh?  It’s a little terrifying wondering if people will still know me.  I want to prove that I am the same old Michele just a little different.  I don’t want people to think that I know the world because I don’t.  I’m leaving India with more questions than I started with and I’m more confused than ever before.  I have always thought of myself as this unchanging person and now I’ve changed and I know it.  I can’t give specifics but I know I have.  Wow.  Reflection is really hard.  I feel like this entry is just full of stuff and it doesn’t really make all that much sense.  Oh well.  My brain is just going in all different directions right now.  I think I need a nap or a drink or something.  Oh, India!  Look at what you’ve done to me.