Ridiculous Rickshaw Ride

October 28. 2008

We went to the Forum Mall today to see a movie.  It was really an awesome movie.  It was late by the time we were ready to leave and so we found a rickshaw that was willing to bring us back to our hotel for 100 rupees.  We thought that it was a pretty good deal so we got in and away we went.  We rely on the drivers to know where we are going because we really don’t know exactly how to get to the hotel.  Our driver told us that he knew where to go but he didn’t.  We got lost and neither of us recognized where we were exactly.  I started to get nervous that we weren’t going to find our way back.  We stopped a bunch of times to ask for directions but our driver was a total idiot and couldn’t follow them if he wanted to.  A man had been following us and kept trying to get our driver to stop.  What the heck was going on?  The man and our driver started fighting.  I was getting really nervous.  The man kept trying to get into the rickshaw and the driver kept pushing him away.  This went on for a few minutes.  We could smell that the man was very drunk.  He just got more and more upset.  I was so afraid that he was going to attack us or something.  I just prayed that we would be okay.  We tried to get out but the driver and the drunk wouldn’t let us move.  Finally, some men came up to the rickshaw and took the drunk guy away.  I thought that Auzzie was going to lose it.  She looked like she was ready to just cry her eyes out.  I was afraid but I couldn’t cry.  I couldn’t do anything.  I just laughed.  It wasn’t funny but there I was laughing.  I guess that I laugh sometimes when I don’t know what else to do.  I wanted to scream, but instead I laughed.  I am afraid so often in India because I don’t know what’s going on and this rickshaw ride just confirms my fears.  I don’t know if I will be able to ride in a rickshaw at night again. 

Break

October 27, 2008

We are on mid semester break!!!  Auzzie and I decided to stay in Bangalore for a few days and the rest of our group is spread throughout the country.  I’m really happy to have some time away from everyone.  I think that once you’ve been with a group of people for an extended period of time it is necessary to get away from them just to have some alone time.  We arrived at our hotel this morning around 11:30 or so.  We checked in and were brought to our room.  It is really kind of cute.  It’s a flat with 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, a kitchen, and a living room.  We were told that one room was ours and that other people would be moving into the other rooms.  I was a little pissed off about that because when we made the reservation it didn’t say anything about sharing our apartment with other people.  Anyway, I’ll get over it.  We’re staying really close to the major shopping areas in the city and so we decided that we were going to go out and do a little bit of shopping.  Overall, it was a really fun day.

 

October 24, 2008

Today was the last day of our second course here in India.  I can’t believe that 2 courses are already done and we will be starting on the third when we return from mid semester break.  I’m happy to be moving on from Globalization and the Ethics of development because all of the things we talked about in class and on field visits were really depressing.  I feel like there’s so much that the western world is doing to the eastern world that is of no benefit to the people living in the east.  It’s hard to think about the negative ways that western lifestyle impacts eastern lifestyle. 

I woke up at about 3:00am today sicker than a dog.  I had an incredibly high fever, chills, cold sweats and a stomach ache so painful that I thought that I was going to pass out.  This is the first time that I have been this sick in India.  My fever lasted for hours and I spent the entire day in bed.  It really sucks being sick (especially away from home).  I hope that this is my one sickness for the trip because I don’t want to miss out on anything else.  

October 15, 2008

We had an environmentalist come in to talk to us about the garbage and pollution problem in Goa.  It is hard to be in India and not notice the overwhelming amount of garbage in the streets and everywhere else.  Goa is a beautiful place but it definitely has a problem with garbage.  I was on the beach and I found medical waste.  I thought that I was going to set on a dirty needle or something.  That’s really scary to think about.  I don’t have to live in it and I have a huge problem with it.  I can’t imagine what the people do who live here.  There isn’t a good system to get rid of the garbage.  I think about my own garbage.  I’m the sort of person who doesn’t think about the garbage once it’s out of sight, but here I don’t get that luxury.  The garbage is everywhere.  It’s hard to imagine what it would be like to live here and have to see this garbage everyday.  I wonder if I would do something about it or if I would wait for someone else to do something.  It’s hard to say what I would do because this isn’t my reality.  I get to leave.  I don’t have to stay here.  Garbage is a problem throughout India.  This is a paradise spoiled by empty Kingfisher beer bottles and plastic shopping bags.  

That's it!

October 14, 2008

I’m boycotting tea and rice.

Take a Picture...It Will Last Longer

October 13, 2008

Today was the best day in Goa.  We had to get up at the same time as usual, but it was worth it.  The entire day was free to do whatever we wanted to do.  We all decided that it was necessary for us to actually experience the tourism of Goa.  We went to the beach.  It was absolutely gorgeous.  The sand was hot and the water was cool.  It was really great.  I put on some sunscreen (not enough) and got into the water.  The waves were massive!  I had never been in the ocean when the waves were so rough.  I got pulled under by a couple of waves but it was okay because I was having such a good time.  I am usually uncomfortable getting into the water but today I didn’t worry about it because it was so hot outside and I just needed some time to cool down.  I was really comfortable with being uncomfortable.  I had so much fun swimming in the Arabian Sea.  I thought about all of the family vacations we took to the beach.  I forgot about how much fun they were and how happy I was.  I realized that I have not been very happy here in India because we have had very little time to have fun and relax.  I feel like we spend so much time talking about the depressing parts of India that I miss out on the beauty of this place.  I feel very sad about this.  Years from now I want to remember India as a place where I learned a lot but also had a good time.  However, I want to remember the bad things so that I can better appreciate the good things.  This moment on the beach made me wonder about all that I have been missing in India because I have been so focused on the bad aspects.  I think that I need to figure out another way of looking at this experience.  I want to be happy here.

We finally decided to leave the beach.  I think that everyone was getting sick of the Indian men standing around us taking pictures.  The rest of the day was filled with shopping and walking around.  I’m finally getting comfortable bargaining for a lower price on the things that I want to buy.  I wonder if I will have a hard time going home and paying full price for the things that I want.  It seems like no matter whom I decide to buy from they all have the same story (“You’re the first customer of the day. I have no business.  I give you a good price.  You make me very happy.  Anything 100 rupees.”).  It’s pretty entertaining.  Towards the end of the day I was getting really tired.  My friend Auzzie and I decided that we were going to go to the beach again to watch the sunset.  It was beautiful.  I was the only white person around and no one was looking at me or taking my picture.  I was so happy to be anonymous again.  I suppose that the presence of one white person brings less attention than a group of twenty white people in this country.  While we were sitting on the beach, two Indian men approached us.  I thought that it was a little strange because they got down on the ground to tell us about a disco that we should go to.  It seemed really shady.  I’m fairly certain that they were inviting us to a rave.  Apparently Goa is a hotspot for drug dealers (this would explain the abundance of pipes for sale and all of the hemp stores).   I was happy to see the two men leave us, but shortly after they left we were greeted by another man.  He was from Estonia.  It was really strange.  He asked us if he could take a picture with us.  We didn’t think that it would be a problem but afterwards he wouldn’t leave us alone.  He said that he was visiting Goa with some friends but he couldn’t find any of them.  We talked to him for well over an hour and when we got up to go to dinner he asked if he could come with us.  I was happy when we found the rest of our group so that it wasn’t just the two of us and our new Estonian friend.  We ate a really good dinner and afterward exchanged email addresses.  I wonder if I will hear from my new friend.  I guess I’ll just have to wait and see.  India is a great place to meet new people.  

Child Rights

October 12, 2008

Erin, Kate and I got up early this morning to visit a child rights organization.  We got there a little early and had to wait for our hosts to show up.  We didn’t really know what we were going to be doing.  Our guides for the day were 2 women who work for the organization, Rekah and Fatima.  They were both really nice and eager to show us what they do.  We got on a sweaty bus and rode for over an hour to get to the Sanju Team office.  We arrived and were welcomed with open arms.  We found out that the organization is operated and funded by the children in the village.  Our hosts were about 30 children from the area.  It was so cool to see all of these children taking responsibility for their own organization.  We talked with the children and taught them a few songs in English.  It was really fun.  When it was time for us to leave we walked down to the bus stop.  The bus came but was really full and we were unable to get on.  Our leader put her thumb out and we hitchhiked.  That’s right!  I was hitchhiking in India.  I still can’t believe that I got into that car.  I’m surprised at myself.  We ate lunch and headed back to the city.

I need more time to process what happened today.  

Squid for Lunch

October 11, 2008

We went on an overnight community visit today.  The day started bright and early with a two and half hour car ride.  We arrived in a small remote village on the Arabian Sea.  It was absolutely gorgeous.  It looked like a picture from the National Geographic magazine.  The purpose of this visit was to see an abandoned mine in the area.  This is an area of controversy because within the last six months a company decided that they were going to clear out the land.  This seems like it would be good intentions but in actuality it would be very bad for the local community because development would be possible.  It is the perfect spot to put a hotel or golf course because it is so beautiful.  When an area becomes developed with the purpose of tourism the local community tends to suffer the most.  We walked up a “road” to get to the mine.  Basically we climbed a huge hill through a thick jungle to get there.  I was wondering when a snake was going to pop out and bite someone in our group. Thankfully, that never happened.  It was getting really hot outside and by the time we reached the top we were all drenched in sweat.  The view from the mine was awesome!  We were told about all of the protesting that had been going on to keep this area from being developed.  The people who live here have great pride in their home and want to keep the area as it is and as it has been.  After we were finished with a tour of the area we were able to enjoy a small beach nearby.  The water felt so good because it was so hot outside.  It gave us all a chance to cool off and relax.  We were invited to a local home for lunch.  It was a really nice house and the food was pretty good.  I had squid for the first time ever.  I didn’t really like it but I ate it anyway because I didn’t want to be rude to our hosts. 

Later that evening we went to stay with a family from the area.  The home was very nice and they took us out for Chinese food.  It was probably the best food that I have eaten in India so far.  I was happy to eat until I was full.   

Dinner With the Others

October 10, 2008

The other night I went to a Muslim house for dinner.  I was happy to hear that we were all going to go in small groups.  I’m really like all of the people in my group so that made me excited to go have dinner with them and a Muslim family.  We were picked up around 7pm to go to dinner.  The man who picked us up was really nice and wanted to talk to us about everything.  It was nice to have someone so interested in talking to us and asking us questions.  We arrived at the home about an hour later.  It was a nice place and the food was really good.  The thing that I didn’t really enjoy was the conversation.  It was interesting to hear what our hosts thought about the United States, but there was a point that I stopped listening to them.  They had a lot of negative things to say about the United States government.  They were always tying to let us know that they approved of us but not of our government.  This was hard for me because I feel like the US government has played a role in shaping me into the person I am today.  I don’t always agree with the things that the US government does but I can’t say that I want the government to completely change.  It was hard for me to sit there and listen to them badmouth my country.  I will always put the United States before any other country.  It is my home and I love living in the United States.  A main part of our conversation was about the 9/11 attacks on the US.  This family believes that the attacks were a conspiracy.  They believe that the attacks were from the “Jews” or from the US government so that there would be a reason for our current war in the Middle East.  I just sat there and listened to them.  I didn’t really know what to say.  I still don’t know what to say about what happened that night.   

Strength

October 9, 2008

Tonight we went out to dinner in Panaji, the capital city of Goa.  However, it was not like regular going out to eat.  Our group was split up and smaller groups of us went out on our own to find a place to get some dinner.  We were all in the mood for something western.  I was really excited when we found a Dominos.  It was awesome.  As our group was waiting for our meal 2 other groups of our people walked in for dinner.  It was really nice to see the others from our group.  There was a group of men sitting close to us.  Each man was wearing a Turban.  This isn’t an unusual sight in India but I thought that it was funny to see them eating pizza.  I like going into American restaurants because they are usually air-conditioned.  Goa is so hot!  It is definitely in the high 90s or low 100s today.  We were eating our first Western food in a few days and all of the sudden we heard firecrackers outside.  I looked outside and saw a big parade going by.  We were told that it was the Hindu New Year.  I find it funny that I was sitting in a Dominos Pizza watching a Hindu Parade.  That’s really funny actually.  There’s always so much going on around me and this is just another time when I just don’t know what to think.

I was getting tired and wanted to go back to the church for the night.  Dusty and I decided to catch the last bus back to Old Goa.  We had about 15 minutes to find the bus station.  We set out thinking that we would find a short cut.  This is not what we found.  It was like a scene out of a traveler’s guidebook.  This page in particular would be warning travelers to stay clear of the area.  We walked quickly through dark allies and got lost.  We were walking fast in the wrong direction.  I was getting a little nervous.  There were dogs and rats in the walkway.  I was glad to be with Dusty because he’s bigger than any Indian that I have seen.  Once we finally got clear directions, we found our way to the bus station.  Both of us were covered in sweat from the walk but I was glad to be on the bus.  We both just looked at each other and laughed.  We made it!  I sometimes think about the heart attacks my mom would have if she knew what I was doing in India.  I just have to laugh because if I’m laughing that means that I can’t be crying.  India is starting to bring out a stronger person in me.  I sometimes think that I can’t make it anymore but suddenly I feel stronger.  I wonder if my prayers have been answered.  I prayed to find strength and here it is looking me in the face.  

Going to Goa

October 8, 2008

After a fifteen hour unconditioned train ride we arrived in Goa.  I don’t think that I could have been any happier to be off the train.  The ride seemed like it took forever and I didn’t get very much rest.  I was exhausted to say the least.  We had a long day ahead of us and I didn’t know how I was going to make it through without any sleep.  We had a little bit of time to get settled in to our home for the next 10 days.  We are staying at a huge Catholic Church.  The dorm is called the Pastoral Institute.  It is a place where priests and nuns come to finish their studies before being sent into parishes.  It’s kind of a creepy place.  It looks like it would be an awesome set for a horror movie.  There are these long corridors with doors all the way down.  The paint in chipping, windows are broken, and there really isn’t much around.  I think that’s its pretty amusing.  We were told that normally only priests are allowed to stay in the rooms where we are staying, but we are privileged guests here.  It feels good to be here.  After breakfast this morning we took a small tour of the area.  It is beautiful!  We are right on the river and are surrounded by huge palm trees.  We walked around and saw some historical places in the area.  It was so hot outside that it was nice to come back to the church. 

We started our first class session after lunch.  It was about Globalization and Zionism (a very fun topic to discus after a night without any good sleep).  It was pretty interesting.  Jason Fernandez talked about globalization and its impacts on Indian culture.  Globalization is a loaded term to begin with so it is difficult to put a definition with it.  Basically, globalization is the interdependence of economies and the mixing of cultures.  Some people refer to it as Americanization or Westernization.  I know that I have talked about how much the United States impacts the rest of the world but I feel it even more being in India.  Everything that the United States does affects the rest of the world.  The value of the Rupee dropped as soon as the United States started experiencing economic problems.  It seems like the world is getting smaller everyday.   

NEXT

October 6, 2008

Today was our first day of a new course, Globalization and Development.  I’m happy to be starting something new.  I suppose its like that a lot in India.  There’s always something new to look forward to. 

Homesick...

October 5, 2008

I’m really homesick today.  I have been in India for more than a month now.  I didn’t realize how much I would miss home.  I think that it’s been harder for me because I haven’t really found my place in the group yet.  I thought that I would figure out where I belong but I just haven’t.  I don’t know if my experience is different from everyone else’s or what it is.  I find it difficult to open up with all of these people.  I think about Katie a lot and it’s just really hard to deal with.  I want to be close to my family.  They are the only people who make me feel a little bit better.  I prayed that I would find the strength to get through this but I haven’t felt any stronger yet.  I hope that it comes soon so that I will be able to handle whatever obstacles India throws at me because I know there are more to come.  I think about why I have come here and I wonder if I made the right choice.  India has not necessarily brought out the best in me.  I feel sad more often than I feel happy here.  I know that there is a reason I am here, but I haven’t figured it out just yet.  I know that it will take some time, but like my mom said, “each new day brings you closer to home, to us.”   I guess that I have to think this way until I feel a little better.  I really hope that I feel better soon otherwise its going to be a long two and a half months.  

Are We Lost Again?

October 4, 2008

What can I say about today?  Well, today was a little too crazy for my liking.  I got to experience a whole new side of India.  It started off just crazy and ended with me wanting to get back to Visthar more than anything in the world.  We were told that the bus for Bangalore left at 2:00pm and we rushed up to the bus stop.  Like everything in India, the bus was late.  It was so hot and sunny that waiting for the bus was pretty ridiculous.  The bus didn’t show up until about 3:15pm.  By the time we got on the bus I knew it was going to be a long afternoon/evening.  The bus wasn’t full at first but that changed pretty quickly.  There was a woman standing so close to me that she was touching me.  I hated it.  I was getting so angry that she was touching me.  I tried to move away from her but each time I moved she would get closer.  I started thinking about why this bothered me so much.  I hate when people I don’t know touch me.  It drives me crazy.  I think its because in American culture there is a definite bubble of personal space.  People are not allowed in that bubble and when they violate the rules I feel like I’m being violated.  I think this is something that I’m going to have to work on.  It’s just really hard for me because it is so ingrained into me.  It amazes me how much I am a product of US society, but why shouldn’t I be?  I spend the last 23 years living in it.  I only have months two and a half months to get comfortable with this personal space thing.  I better get going on it.  But I digress.

We got of the bus about 5 stops to early and had to ask around for directions.  It was really crappy because we had to cross the street a bunch of times (my favorite thing to do in India…NOT!).  We finally reached MG road.  I feel like I’m always rushing to keep up with everyone.  I have no idea why everyone was in such a hurry.  We didn’t even know where we were going.  We walked around MG road for a little while and then headed to Commercial Street from there (more road crossing, yay).  It was really fun just walking around and finding out more about the city.  I bought some cool stuff.  After a few hours we headed back to MG road because we were going to meet the rest of the group at Hard Rock Café for dinner and drinks.  We didn’t know where we were going and got really lost.  I noticed that a man was following us for a long time.  He started walking really close me us.  He started getting a little grabby with me and another girl in our group.  I got really upset.  He was in my bubble and trying to get a feel.  I ended up pushing him really hard and yelling at him to leave us alone.  He walked further away from us but he followed us all the way to the restaurant.  He was such a creeper.  Dinner was good but expensive.  After dinner we just walked around MG road.  I was getting really frustrated with the group because no one was staying together and I was worried that we were going to lose someone.  I couldn’t wait to get going back to Visthar.  The taxi showed up at about 11:30pm.  I was so happy when everyone was accounted for and on the bus.  I don’t think that I want to go back into the city with the entire group again like this.  It was just too stressful.  I was so happy to finally be back at Visthar. 

 

Review of First Course

October 1, 2008

We finished our first course in India.  There are only a few things left to do and we are all done with it.  It’s hard to believe that one course is over and the next is about to begin.  This entry is basically an overview of the last month.  I thought about how I was going to do this but I guess that I just never really got it right.  I have done so many new things that it is hard to wrap it all up into one cohesive entry.  I think that I have changed but I don’t know how much yet or what is different exactly.  I might not even fully understand until I am back in the US.  It’s so hard to say.  I feel like the last month has been full of observations of the differences.  I have found it difficult to get myself out of this rut.  There has to be more in common than I am seeing.  I suppose that I have to take a closer look and spend more time thinking about the things that I am seeing and doing.  It is just hard because I am a person who relies on first impressions so much.  It is hard for me to really examine something and find something different from what I initially saw/felt.  I’m still trying to get over the guilt that I feel about my own life.  My mom gave me some good advice about dealing with guilt but I just haven’t been able to put it into practice yet.  Life isn’t always fair and I really need to get that into my head.  It’s just hard to think in this way.  It is going to take some time to not feel so guilty, but I have this feeling that it’s not going to go away.  Maybe that is one of the things that I will take with me for the rest of my life.  Maybe that will be the thing that makes me do something about the inequality that I have seen.  People have asked our group “what are you going to do with this when you return to the US?”  I never really know what to say.  I don’t know what I’m going to do but I hope that I do something.  It seems like it is expected of me to make something happen.  It feels like an awful lot of pressure.  Overall, this first course was interesting but I think that I’m ready to move on from here.  Maybe this course will help me figure the answer to some of my questions.

In the City

September 28, 2008

I left for India one month ago today.  It’s hard to believe that it has been an entire month since I left home.  I think about how much I have changed and how much my view of the world has changed.  Today I made my first trip into Bangalore without an Indian guide.  It was really great.  I was happy to finally get through the city without much help.  It gave me a new sense of freedom in India.  For the last month I have felt like I have been locked up and every hour of my life has been planned out for me.  This was different.  We got into the city and were left without a guide.  I was a little nervous at first but everything went just fine.  We had a little trouble getting a rickshaw to take us the MG road (a major shopping area).  I’m not sure if the drivers just couldn’t understand us or if they were being jerks and trying to get more money out of us.  It’s sometimes hard to tell.  Finally, we found one kind soul who would take us to MG road for a reasonable price.  We wondered around the city and did a little bit of shopping.  We ate dinner at a Pizza Hut.  It was so good.  I didn’t think that I would miss American food as much as I do.  It’s been a hard transition.  Plus, I’ve pretty much stopped eating rice and drinking tea (2 staples of the Indian diet). 

We needed to get back to Visthar and this proved to be a lot harder than we would have liked it to be.  It took about 30 minutes to get some rickshaws to finally accept us.  We rode for almost an hour to get back to Visthar.  I was so happy to get back.  I know that I’ve said it before, but Visthar is my home away from home.  If you had asked me a month ago how I felt about Visthar there is no way that I would have called it home.  I find myself saying “home” for Visthar now.  It feels funny to say it, but it’s so true.  This is home in India.

Minorities in India

September 27, 2008

Our class session for today was about sexual minorities in India.  We had a group of people from the organization Sunguma come in to talk to us about the challenges they face in this society and how the organization has helped them gain courage.  It takes a lot of courage to be homosexual in India because as of today it is still illegal.  Each individual speaker has had to face so much discrimination for being who he or she is.   There are many challenges they face on a daily basis.  One of the greatest challenges for them is finding work.  There are only two options available: sex work and begging.  It’s a hard life for them because they cannot get legitimate work.  Sangama is trying to unionize sex work for these people because regulations will give the individuals more rights and work will be safer.  This raises so many questions for me.  If they want to have legitimate work why doesn’t the group just work for equal rights?  I’m so confused by this. Why would anyone want to be a sex worker?  It just doesn’t seem right to me, but who am I to say what is right? 

I started thinking about sexual minorities in the United States.  I know that there are many struggles in the US but I think that there is more much discrimination in India.  In India it is illegal for homosexual people to even be with the person they love.  There is something very unsettling about that.  How can a government tell you who your sexual partners can and cannot be?  In the US there is a huge debate about gay marriage but that seems miniscule when compared to the thousands of Indian people who must hide their feelings and relationships from the rest of the world.  I guess that I just don’t understand Indian society enough to really understand this problem.