Review of First Course

October 1, 2008

We finished our first course in India.  There are only a few things left to do and we are all done with it.  It’s hard to believe that one course is over and the next is about to begin.  This entry is basically an overview of the last month.  I thought about how I was going to do this but I guess that I just never really got it right.  I have done so many new things that it is hard to wrap it all up into one cohesive entry.  I think that I have changed but I don’t know how much yet or what is different exactly.  I might not even fully understand until I am back in the US.  It’s so hard to say.  I feel like the last month has been full of observations of the differences.  I have found it difficult to get myself out of this rut.  There has to be more in common than I am seeing.  I suppose that I have to take a closer look and spend more time thinking about the things that I am seeing and doing.  It is just hard because I am a person who relies on first impressions so much.  It is hard for me to really examine something and find something different from what I initially saw/felt.  I’m still trying to get over the guilt that I feel about my own life.  My mom gave me some good advice about dealing with guilt but I just haven’t been able to put it into practice yet.  Life isn’t always fair and I really need to get that into my head.  It’s just hard to think in this way.  It is going to take some time to not feel so guilty, but I have this feeling that it’s not going to go away.  Maybe that is one of the things that I will take with me for the rest of my life.  Maybe that will be the thing that makes me do something about the inequality that I have seen.  People have asked our group “what are you going to do with this when you return to the US?”  I never really know what to say.  I don’t know what I’m going to do but I hope that I do something.  It seems like it is expected of me to make something happen.  It feels like an awful lot of pressure.  Overall, this first course was interesting but I think that I’m ready to move on from here.  Maybe this course will help me figure the answer to some of my questions.