Thank God For My Mom

November 26, 2008 I was feeling really depressed this morning. It had been two weeks since I had a chance to talk to either of my parents and it really was wearing on my soul. I just needed to have some comfort from home. I decided to use Karly’s phone to call my mom. Thank God she answered. I just about broke down, but I knew that I had to keep it together so that my mom wouldn’t worry about me. It was so awesome just hearing her voice. I feel so much better now. It’s amazing how one person can make your day special. I only talked to her for about 15 minutes but I think that it was enough for my mood to do a 180. Its so hard being away from Visthar because communication with home is so much easier from there. I didn’t realize how much I was going to miss my family while I was in India. I’m incredibly thankful for this experience because it has helped me understand how much my family means to me. I never want to be away from them for this long ever again. Thanksgiving is tomorrow and I have this feeling that I will be a little depressed. I’m supposed to be writing a paper and I will probably be thinking about being with my family. I will wonder what they are doing, who is there and what kind of food they are eating. Some people don’t like going to family gatherings but I really love it. My family is really fun and we always have an awesome time together. I’m hoping that our group will have a good time here. I know that we are not family but maybe we can be family just for today. We have no one but each other. I think that members from our group often forget that we are all we have in India. None of us gets to be with our families. I think that some people forget that we are going through the same feelings about being away from home.

My Emotions Need Sunshine

November 25, 2008
Tensions are really high among the members of our group. I feel like I can’t really say anything right now without someone getting really upset. Everyone is really stressed out about this paper that we have to write for our religion class. It’s a difficult paper to write because we have very limited resources. There is no Internet access and there are very few books to choose from in the library. I’m trying my best to keep my cool about the paper. I finally came up with a topic. That’s at least one thing to be happy about. I really wish that members of our group were feeling better. It makes it difficult to be around them. I really could use some time away from them, but its difficult here because we are in a small space and I don’t feel comfortable going out by myself. This has been a really difficult day for me. Last night, my roommate flipped out. She had been dealing with her skin color ever since we’ve been in India. She feels like she is being discriminated against because she has dark skin. I think that yesterday was just too much for her. She went over the edge. She started yelling about how she hates white people. She told me that she is going to be so militant when she returns to the states. I didn’t know what to say. Am I one of these white people that she hates? Why is she taking this out on me? Now I feel like we can’t be friends because she hates white people. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I don’t know how to make her feel better about the situation. This is making things really hard for me. I just feel so trapped by the situation. I don’t want to say the wrong thing, so I’m just not saying anything at all. I hate this so much. We still have to spend 3 more weeks in India and I have a feeling that if this doesn’t get better it is going to be a long 3 weeks. It really just makes me want to go home right now! I hate feeling this way. I have been pretty happy for the past couple of weeks and now I feel like I have let other people’s issues impact how I feel.

One Ultimate Truth

November 24, 2008 India has been an incredibly interesting place. I have learned so much and experienced more than I could have ever imagined before coming here. One of the things that I found to be constant in India is the constant presence of the Hindu religion. Today we had a lecture on Hinduism and I feel like I finally have a decent understanding of the basics of this religion. We have been surrounded by this religion ever since we arrived here and I finally feel like I know something about it. Our focus during this course is religion with an emphasis on healing. We met with a man today named Swami Yogi Prakarsh. He told us that the Hindu tradition is the oldest in the world because it has no beginning and no end. I suppose that could be true. One of the most interesting things that he talked about is how there are many paths to God, and Hinduism is one of those paths. I was very interested in this concept. He said, “There are many ways to get to the Ganges, but there is only one Ganges.” I have ever really thought about this concept before. There are many paths to God. I have always thought that either your religion was the right religion or it was one of the wrong religions. People believe that their personal religion is the right religion. Some have believed this so deeply that they have been willing to fight and kill in the name of their God. Religion can make people do some terrible things. I have thought about this all day. What if all religions believed that each religion is valid? What would our world be like? What would history look like? I wonder if there would finally be peace in the world. I guess that I can only imagine. I really like this concept.

Buddhist Temples

November 22, 2008 Today was filled with visits to Buddhist temples. We went to the place where Buddha gave his first sermon. I thought that was really awesome. I don’t really know very much about Buddhism but I still think that it was cool to be in the place. We had the opportunity to have lunch and conversation with Buddhist monks. I had a hard time understanding what was being said at my table because our monk had a very thick accent and was hard to decipher. It was another experience day with little information. I’m looking forward to the lectures to get some more information about what I have been doing over the last few days. The best part of the day was after lunch. We went to a school for blind girls. We arrived at their campus and were welcomed with song and dance. Some of the girls played instruments. It was amazing to watch these girls perform. I don’t know how the teachers are able to teach them how to dance but they were awesome. I looked around the crowd of girls and felt my chest start to tighten. Looking at those faces made me want to cry. I wanted them to be able to see us. I wanted to make eye contact with them and make a connection with them. I felt myself wondering again. Why am I so lucky? I have all of my senses. Why are these girls blind? Do they know what they are missing? I don’t know what its like to walk around in the dark all of the time and probably never will. I have taken so much for granted in my life. It makes me feel just terrible. I have a lot to be thankful for and India has truly helped me see that.

More Hindu Temples

November 21, 2008 Today was crazy, busy day. We were up at 4:30am and we ready to leave our guesthouse by 5:00. However, we did not leave at 5:00. We ended up leaving at 5:30. I was so angry because I could have used that extra half hour of sleep. Anyway, I tried not to let it get me down. I wanted to have a good day. We walked down to the river. I couldn’t believe that I was standing on the shore of the Ganges River. It was still very dark outside but we were going to start our tour anyway. We looked around for a few minutes and then climbed into a boat. Auzzie looked at me and asked, “Do you think these boats have lifejackets?” I told her not to count on it. We had a little laugh. It was so amazing to be on a boat on the Ganges River. I looked around and noticed all of the garbage along the shore. I can’t believe that people actually use this water for bathing. The water did not smell as bad as I thought that it would though. We have been near a lot of water in India and it seems to always smell just terrible. Our tour guide told us about the religious significance of the river and its importance to the people of this city and this country. As we traveled down the river we were able to see the sun come up through the fog/smog (I’m not totally sure what it was). One major part of this journey on the river was to stop and watch where dead bodies were cremated. We watched as some men placed wood around a body and start it on fire and then watched as the body burned. This was not an easy thing to watch. I thought about how this religious experience means a lot to the people of this community and wondered why it is okay for us to be here just watching this happen. I was really uncomfortable and really just wanted to get away from there. The guide told us that after the body was burned the ashes were placed into the river. This is happening 24 hours of each and every day. Downstream from this site we watched as local residents used the river as a bathtub. They wash themselves in the same water that the ashes are thrown in. I know that this river is holy to these people but I just can’t believe that this is happening. It just doesn’t seem right. Here I go again judging a community that I don’t fully understand. I really need to work on that. The rest of the day was filled with Hindu temple visits, some shopping and a ceremony by the river at night. It was a really full day. I am a little frustrated because we went on a bunch of temple visits today and we were given very little background information. I felt like I had no idea what I was looking at. It’s hard to know what is important when you don’t know what you’re looking at. We talked to our professor about this. He told us that it is just how the program is done. We are given the opportunity to get an experience and formulate questions, and then lectures come after to fill in the gaps. I don’t really like this system, but I guess that I will just have to live with it for the next month.

Thankful List

November 20, 2008 This is what I am thankful for… Mom, Dad, Adam, Kellie, Danielle, Heidi, Grandparents, other family members, clean water to drink, hot water to bathe, washing machines, dryers, food to eat, shoes, going home in December, having a place to call home, pony tail holders, tooth paste and brushes, the ability to read and write, public education, college, calling home, supportive people through the church, friends, best friends, computers (to make calling home easier), the internet, rolling suitcases, love, speaking English, pedicures, massages, vacations, parents who will let me live at home after graduation, being loved and missed, basic toiletries, having 2 bathrooms at home, doctors, pillows, cool weather, holidays, living in a country with no war its soil, reminders of how lucky I am, new experiences, acceptance, bug spray, anti malaria pills, Ruby, The Simpsons, bonfires, fall colors, sweaters and jeans, music, family dinners, Applebee’s, The Nissan Sentra, American food, deodorant, smiles, hugs and kisses, being away to learn how to appreciate being home, beaches, mountains, snow, soda, no power outages, air conditioning when its hot, cameras, home videos, dancing, There’s so much more but so little time.

Varanasi

November 20, 2008
We arrived in Varanasi at about 8:30 this morning after a 14-hour train ride. It was a terrible train ride. I don’t know why but I just couldn’t sleep. Maybe it was the little kid sleeping near us who had the worst sleep apnea I have ever heard in my life, or maybe it was the hundreds of cockroaches crawling near my head, or maybe it was the fact that I had a gun near my face when a police officer came to our car to get our signatures, or perhaps it was the lingering memory of what I saw yesterday with the beggar children. My guess is that it is a combination of everything. Basically, it was the worst night of sleep that I have had in a long time. I haven’t slept well in India, but last night was terrible. I need some time to get my thoughts straight.

Today was a pretty relaxed day once we arrived at our guesthouse. We had about an hour of talking and that was it. I’m looking forward to learning more about Hinduism. I feel like we have been surrounded by this religion ever since we got here and I don’t really know all that much about it. It will be nice to get some facts about it and finally make some connections. I’m so tired and we have to get up really early tomorrow for a boat ride on the River Ganges. I hope that I will be able to fall asleep quickly tonight.

More Tears in India

November 19, 2008
We had another free day in Delhi today. The day started really good but that changed by the afternoon. I saw the saddest thing that I have seen in India so far. There’s a part of me that doesn’t want to talk about it and another part of me that can’t help but tell people what I saw. We were in a busy shopping area. It seems like there are always a lot of beggars in these types of areas. I suppose that they are able to get some people to give them money. We had 3 children who were following us around for a while. Auzzie wanted to get some food and so we went to a pizza place and she made an order for herself and also ordered a pizza to give to the children. We were waiting outside for the pizza to get finished. The children were sitting near us. There were 2 young boys and a little tiny baby girl. All of the kids were really dirty and the little girl was naked. The little boys kept picking her up, hitting her, pulling her ears and grabbing her privates. She was crying. None of us knew what to do. I looked over at Auzzie and she started to cry. This poor little girl was being abused in a public place and no one was doing anything. We didn’t know what to do either. I looked around to see if I could spot their mother, but I didn’t see anyone. What could we do? What can I do in this situation? A few minutes later the pizza that Auzzie ordered came out. She brought it over to the children. The largest boy grabbed the box and ran off smiling and laughing. I think that a piece of my heart broke at that point. The other little boy was still holding the little girl and looking at us. We were both crying. I don’t know what to think about this whole thing. I am so upset about it.

I wonder if this sort of thing happens all the time here. I wonder where their mother is. Why isn’t she her with her children? Why is a little boy holding this baby? Why is she naked? Why is this happening? What should I do? What can I do? I’m so upset right now! We are leaving Delhi tonight and I don’t have any more time for this.

Bed Bugs

November 18, 2008 We had a free day today. It was nice to sleep in and have time to ourselves today. When I woke up this morning I saw that my body was covered in bug bites. I’m pretty sure that my bed had bedbugs. My hands are especially covered with bites. They are extremely itchy and swollen. I knew that this place was a little gross before but now I know for sure. I’ve never had anything like this happen to me. I’m really upset about it because I don’t think that it’s too much to ask that our beds be bug free. There’s another person from our group that has a bunch of bites too. So, it’s not just me. It makes me feel really dirty that I’ve been sleeping in a bed with bugs. I hope that our next guesthouse is a little cleaner. I will keep a positive attitude until then.

A World Wonder

November 17, 2008 What did you do today? Oh, nothing much. I just went to the freaking Taj Mahal. We went to the Taj Mahal today. We had to get up early to meet our bus. It is a tradition for the women of the Social Justice, Peace and Development program to wear Indian Sarees to the Taj Mahal. We were up by 5:30am to figure out how to put them on. I really didn’t want to have to wear the thing but I didn’t want to break tradition. I wore it and I think that I actually looked okay in it. We drove 3+ hours to the city of Agra to visit the Taj Mahal. When we arrived in Agra, we were taken to a fort. I guess that I didn’t realize that we were doing more sightseeing than the Taj Mahal. From the fort we were able to get our first look at the Taj. It was awesome. It looked so amazing. I was getting really excited to finally get to it. I didn’t really pay any attention to the tour of the fort, because I just wanted to get to the Taj. When we finally left I was anticipating getting to the Taj. This was not going to happen right away. We were taken to a government store that sells marble statues. I really didn’t want to buy anything there. I sat around and waited to go. By the time we left it was lunchtime. I was a little frustrated that we still hadn’t gotten to the Taj and I thought that our tour guide was kind of a jerk. He wanted us to eat at an Indian restaurant, but instead several of us found a Pizza Hut. I had a chicken Hawaiian pizza and a Pepsi. How’s that for sticking it to him? After lunch, we were finally at the Taj Mahal. We got in a line to go through security. The women from our group got through really fast but the men took over an hour. While we were waiting for the guys to get through, people would come up to us and ask to take pictures with us. There were a lot of white people there, but I think that we drew a crowd because we were all dressed in our sarees. People would compliment us as they walked past us. It was nice to see that some people appreciated us wearing them. I finally felt okay wearing it. Once the guys were though we walked to the Taj. It was amazing. I have seen many pictures of this place before but none of them could ever compare to seeing it in person. It was like nothing I had ever seen before. Everything about it was beautiful. It was one of those moments in my life where I literally didn’t know what to say about it. I couldn’t believe that I was standing in front of the most photographed and famous buildings in the world. I have been to the Eiffel Tour in Paris and I thought that seeing the Taj Mahal was a greater experience in my life. Maybe it is because I am older now, or maybe it is because of everything that has lead up to this moment. I wish that we had more time at the Taj to really look at it and get a feeling for what is around it, but we had to get back to the bus. This was an amazing day. I will take this day with me for the rest of my life and I will remember how being in this moment made me feel.

"The Largest Islamic Erection"-Professor Steinwand

November 16, 2008
Today was really amazing. We got up this morning and went on a big tour of Delhi. Our bus showed up a little late (surprise, surprise). We rented a really nice bus to take us around the city. This is the first time in India that I really feeling like a tourist. It’s kind of nice. We had experiences only today and no lectures. Our first stop was at a Bahal temple. This temple is very famous because it is shaped like a lotus flower. It was really awesome. The Bahal faith accepts that all religions are valid, and promotes peace and harmony. I thought that was really cool because so many religions condemn other religions because they are seen as being wrong.

The best place that we went to today was an Islamic place. It was a mosque that was made from the ruins of Hindu and Buddhist temples. The architecture was really amazing. We could see Hindu and Buddhist symbols in the columns and all around the area. We were told that it was a symbol of the strength of the Islamic faith. I don’t know too many details about the place but it was really awesome. Overall, it was a fun day. I feel like the group is different today. Everyone seems really relaxed and I like it. No one is upset and I don’t think that anyone is fighting. I wish that we had more days like this. It seems like our group doesn’t really get along a lot of the time. Maybe it is because we are all stressed. I guess that I don’t really know. Anyway, it was a fun day without fighting. I really enjoyed it.

New Delhi

November 15, 2008 We left Hyderabad bright and early this morning and made our way to Delhi. I am going to miss this place. I have really enjoyed staying here. Everything was so clean and all of the people were really nice. We took a plane to Delhi. Finally! I was happy to not be taking the train. When we got to the airport everyone was really excited to find American style food and coffee. It is amazing how much we appreciate our American food now. We don’t get it all the often and when we do it is such an awesome treat. I treated myself to a blended mocha from a coffee shop. Anyway, it only took us an hour and a half to fly to Delhi. Once we were on the ground we took a two-hour bus ride to get to the place where we are staying. I’m a little disappointed by this place. It is smaller and dirtier than the place where we stayed in Hyderabad. I really don’t like it at all. This portion of the trip is supposed to be sort of like a break. I wish that we would have spent a little more money and stayed somewhere a little nicer. I guess that it is all part of the experience. I think that my standards have gone down in terms of where I sleep because we have stayed in some really crappy places. The first time that I stay in an American hotel it’s going to seem like a palace. We had the remainder of the day to do whatever we wanted to do. We wandered around the area and found some food. Later that night we discovered that we desperately needed mosquito nets over our beds. This place has really bad screens on the windows. I wouldn’t be surprised if we wake up and a bird is flying around the room. Oh well. I’m going to bed now because I’m so excited for our tour of Delhi tomorrow and I want to be well rested.

Stressed Out Much

November 14, 2008
I wasn’t feeling well today and we had a fairly busy day planned. I decided to stay back at our hotel because I didn’t want to bring down the rest of the group. I have felt so sick in India. I just want my body to go back to feeling good everyday instead of feeling like crap everyday. I know that there will be some adjusting back in the US but I hope that it is not as difficult as the transition into India was for me. This morning our group got together to have a journal reading and afterwards we talked about what our schedule looks like for the next five weeks. Let me tell you…My stomach was in complete knots. We have a packed schedule until we leave. Between now and the 18th of December I have to write 2 five page papers, do a big final project and paper and give a book review, and on top of that tons of traveling around the country. It’s going to be a lot to do over the next month. I’m guessing that the time will start to fly by with all of the things that we have left to do. This is not the first time that I have had so many things to do at once but it is the first time that I have had to do these things some where other than Gustavus. If I were at Gustavus the stress would be bad but it would not be like this. I know that I will get everything done, but it just seems like a lot to have on my plate right now. I know that dealing with the stress will be difficult but I also know that there are some awesome opportunities coming up for me. I think that these experiences will help balance out the stress.

Being in India is like being in class 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for 4 months. Weekends have no real meaning for me here. They are just days of the week. There’s nothing too different about them. We don’t have a lot of time to just relax and enjoy the surroundings. We are always going and when we are not going we are getting ready to go somewhere. Tomorrow we are flying to Delhi where we will be experiencing “cultural tourism.” We get to be tourists. I’m looking forward to the time that we will have to spend doing some fun things together. However, I am a little nervous because during our discussion this morning we talked about Delhi being a dangerous place. We will have to be on guard the entire time we are staying in Delhi. I’m afraid that something will happen. I feel like I always have to be watching out for everything around me. We are going to have some free time in the city but we don’t know the city at all so I’m worried that I won’t be able to relax and enjoy it. Maybe I just worry too much. I really need to learn how to relax a little bit.

Stereotyping Just Kills Me

November 13, 2008 Our lectures today were about women in Islam. Yesterday I had a chance to experience first hand the lengths women must go through to “protect” themselves in this Muslim culture. Our lecturers talked about women and equality in Islam. The other day, we were told that the Quran promotes equality between men and women but there are also verses that make it clear that men and women are not equal. Several people from our class tried to talk about this issue with one of the speakers but the speakers became very defensive and didn’t want to talk about the issue. At first I thought that they didn’t understand the questions being asked but I came to realize that they were just defending their religion. This makes me a little angry because I still haven’t gotten over wearing a scarf on my head yesterday. I guess that the culture that I was raised in is just really ingrained into who I am. I sometimes have a hard time understanding Christianity and I was raised in a Christian household. I am trying to figure out how I am supposed to understand these new religions in the little time that we have learning about them. My perceptions of Muslims have changed over the past few months of being in India, but I know that there is still a part of me the associates being Muslim with being a terrorist. I am ashamed to say this, but it is true. The other day we were having a lecture and there was a Muslim man making sure that the microphone was working. I looked at him and saw a terrorist. He fit the stereotype of how a terrorist looks perfectly. I couldn’t believe that I was thinking about this man in this way. I am so upset with myself. I think that I am so open-minded and that I have few prejudices and yet here I am making a judgment about a man I never met before. This makes me realize how powerful messages are in the United States culture about who a terrorist is and what he looks like. I don’t know what to think about myself right now. I am so ashamed that I have let myself be negatively influenced by the perceptions of my culture. This has hurt me so much. I didn’t want to say anything about this to anyone in the group because I was afraid of what they would say about me. I need to get rid of these thoughts before they eat me up inside. I still have so much left to learn about India and so much left to learn about myself.

Cover Your Head

November 12, 2008 We had several lectures today about Islam. They were pretty interesting. I didn’t know much about Islam before we began this course and now I feel like I have a better understanding of the religion. We went to a Muslim boy’s school this afternoon. All of the women in our group were asked to put scarves over our heads, but the men had to do nothing. I got really pissed about this. All week we have been told that Muslim women cover themselves for protection from men. Why should I have to cover myself up because some men aren’t able to resist staring at me? Why should I have to make up for his inability to keep his mind off of sex? How is it my problem if the way that I look distracts him? I’m really trying to figure out how these women can wear this crap everyday of their lives. It made me feel like less of a person being told that I have to dress a certain way. It seems to me that if the men are the ones with problem perhaps they should teach their boys that women are not sex objects. I’m having a really hard time with this. It is not only the Muslim women who face this problem. Throughout all of India, women are told to be modest. Even when packing for this trip I had to keep in mind that I should only pack modest clothing. I know that I should respect other cultures and their traditions, but this really stinks.

Ten Rupees

November 11, 2008 We had a really interesting lecture today about Islam. However, I am not going to talk about it right now because we did something way more interesting after class. At about 2:30pm (one of the hotter parts of the day) we went to the Charminar city market. Let me tell you, this market was insane. There were thousands of people, cars and venders everywhere. It was like being trapped in a crazy, dirty maze. We stepped off the bus and went into the crowd. Beggars and venders immediately surrounded us. Women holding babies pulled at our arms and said, “ten rupees, ten rupees, baby.” I felt like this was a bad idea at first. I was so worried that I was going to get lost in all of this craziness. All I wanted to do was get back on the bus and leave this place behind. Instead, I followed the group through the thick crowd and a honking traffic jam. I sometimes wonder why there are just so many people in this country. Everything always seems so crowded. Before coming to India I had never seen so many people in one day before, and its not like I can blend into the crowd here. Our group attracts so much attention. People want to take our pictures so that they can go to their friends and say, “Look! I saw a group of white people today!” I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I hate not fitting in with the crowd. I hate being looked at. I hate being the center of attention in this country. People here look at me and see a white, wealthy woman but what they don’t realize is that I have about $40,000 in students loans waiting for me back in the United States. I have always taken for the fact that in the US I am just another person. I can’t wait to be anonymous again. We split up into smaller groups to look around the market. My group consisted of Brianna, Auzzie, Dusty and myself. We walked around the crowded market. Something happened to me today that I am not proud of. As we walked through the market, beggars would come up to us. I gave away all the change that I had in my possession. It was only about 20 rupees total. There was a woman holding a tiny baby in her arms and she came up to us and began begging for money. I gave her 5 rupees, but she wouldn’t leave me alone. She kept grabbing at me and asked for me money. I had no more change to give out and I was not going to get my wallet out to give her money. She was persistent. She grabbed my arm. I looked over and notice that she had wiped some disgusting green substance on my arm. I got extremely mad. I wiped it off and used hand sanitizer on it. She wouldn’t leave me alone. I tried to push her away. The thing that I am not proud of is the fact that I got so angry with this woman. I wanted to hit her. I am so upset with myself for feeling this way. How can I be mad at someone who might really need my help? I will have to try harder to understand these people and not get so upset when people are begging for money from me. I need to take sometime to feel okay about this.

Here We Go

November 9, 2008
We left for our month long learning experience today. We packed up all of our things and headed for the train station. I can’t believe that we have finally come to this portion of the trip. When we arrived in August, November seemed like a lifetime away and now its here. I’m really hoping that the next month is filled with awesome experiences that I will be able to take with me for the rest of my life. Its not that I haven’t had some cool experiences yet, its just that the earlier courses were really depressing and I find it hard to have a good time when I am surrounded by all of these terrible things. We said goodbye to Visthar at about 2:30 this afternoon and we will not be back until December 6th. Our train ride to Hyderabad was about 13 hours. I introduced the people in my section to the “What If?” game and it was a huge success. Everyone really liked it. It made the first few hours of the train ride go by really fast because we were all laughing and having a good time. I was laughing harder than I have in India. It was really an awesome time. It’s hard to believe that only 10 weeks ago most of these people were strangers to me, and here we are talking and laughing like old friends. There are even hilarious inside jokes. I was so nervous at the Minneapolis airport that I didn’t really know the people I was going to be spending the next 4 months with. I guess that I had no reason to be nervous. Some of these people are truly amazing and have given more to me than I could have ever asked for.
I’m looking forward to our course on religion in India. The only thing that bothers me is the fact that I don’t think that I have really processed the first 2 courses. We went through a lot of stuff during the first 2 months in India. I don’t want to seem disinterested in what we are doing now, but how I am supposed to study religion when my mind is still stuck on something that I saw during our first tour of the slums? I suppose that this trip is just like that. You experience as much as you can while you are here and then process it once you get back to the US. I’m worried that once I get back to the US I won’t know how to process everything on my own. This is especially scary for me since I will not be around anyone who is on this trip with me. Once we get back to the US I am done with Gustavus. I suppose that I will need to find some sort of outlet for this experience. I talked to my Pastor at home and he told me that it is going to be a hard adjustment going back but my family will help me as much as they can. I guess that I can take some solace in that back in the US.
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Six Weeks to Go

Starting on November 9th I will be traveling extensively through India.  I will be in Hyderbad, New Delhi, Varanasi and Udaipur.  This traveling will last until December 6th.  I may not have access to the internet for long periods of time and that will effect how often this blog gets updated.  Don't worry if some time goes by before I have a chance to update. 

The Election Heard Around The World

November 8, 2008

Barak Obama won the election.  This is a huge moment in US history.  I am a little embarrassed that it has taken the US so long to get a person of color in the office, but at least it has happened.  I hope that Obama follows through with his promises and does not let Americans down.  He has a huge job in front of him and I know that I wouldn’t want to be the person with this task.  Our country needs a strong leader who is willing to do what is best for the country and the people.  I don’t know how I feel about Obama yet, but I’m glad that the election is finally over.  I know that there are many people who are upset that a black man is going to the president of the United States but why should that matter?  I just don’t understand why that is so important to some people.  Shouldn’t the person’s character be the most important thing?  Times are changing and the people who have serious problems with that need to open their eyes and take a good look at everything.  We can either accept these changes or let them fester inside of us.  Which choice is more painful?  Acceptance or festering hate? Sometimes we have to look at the situation and realize that there are greater things in life than who won an election.  Over the past six months I have learned that life doesn’t always turn out the way you plan and there is no purpose in letting the little things get you down.  You can’t always plan for things because life is unpredictable.  I have faith that Obama will do good things for this country. 

P.S. Congratulations Uncle Tim for earning your spot in the house!  Sorry that I didn't get to vote for you, I never received my absentee ballot.

Sick + Indian Style Toilet = BAD

November 7, 2008

Today was terrible.  I woke up this morning and was incredibly sick again.  I have been sick a lot in the past 3 weeks.  I have this feeling that my body is at the point where it can’t take much more.  We travel around a lot and are constantly exposed to new germs.  Plus, I haven’t been sleeping well so my body hasn’t been getting enough rest.  I think that I need a few days to recover, but I just don’t have the time.  We are traveling for the next 4 weeks and there will be little time for rest.  I was supposed to visit more temples today but I was unable to stop throwing up.  The leaders of our group decided to rent a hotel room for the sick kids to stay in while the rest of the group went to the temples.  I was really thankful for their sensitivity to the situation.  Andrea and Jesse stayed back with me.  I was really happy to have them with me.  This afternoon we headed back to Visthar.  It was the longest five-hour bus ride ever.  Our driver was a crazy person.  There were several times that I thought that he was going to kill us all.  I wish that I would have puked on him for being such a crappy driver.  I hate Indian drivers.  I was so happy when we finally got back to Visthar.  

Sweet, Sweet Victory

November 6, 2008

I did it!  I made it to the top of the hill at 6:30 this morning.  I realize that 670 steps doesn’t seem like a lot, but it is.  I was barefoot and now my feet are nasty and are in desperate need of a good soak.  I think that one of the first things that I will do back in the US is get a pedicure to fix these nasty feet of mine.  Wearing sandals everyday has definitely taken a toll on my feet.  Plus, I think that these feet deserve an award for walking me through India in flip-flops.  I have to give myself some credit for making it to the top today.  I was breathing hard and sweating a little, but I did it.  There were some times that I thought that I would have to turn around and wait at the bottom, but I just stopped for a minute to catch my breath and then moved ahead.  The view from the top was awesome.  Plus, I got to see the world’s largest statue of a naked man.  What could be better than that?  He is naked because it shows that he is detached from material things.  Typically there are naked monks in the area, but for some reason they are not around right now.  Where do naked monks go, and how to they get to where they going?  There’s a part of me that wishes that they had been around, because I think that the experience would have been a lot different.  We have visited many temples in India and I always feel like I don’t belong in them.  This is especially true when I look around and see people in prayer and meditation.  I feel like I’m violating these holy places with my presence.  I just don’t know how to feel I guess.

We have a lot of class time today.  I’m really tired from the sleepless night and the early morning hike.  After our first class we went to another Jain temple and watched as they anointed a statue of a man.  We were told that he is the prince of peace (strangely familiar).  Its so different from the kinds of religious rituals that I’m use to.  This ceremony lasted for about two hours, and we had to sit on the floor (fun times).  When the ritual was finally over we were blessed by the priest (I think).  It was a little strange but I’m glad that I got to see it.  This will probably be the only time in my life that I will see this and be in this spot.  After the ritual we met with the “pope” again to talk about everything that we had seen.  I’m more confused about Jainism than ever!  I understand some parts but other concepts are beyond me.  I think that I’m going to do some further research about it when we get back to Visthar.  After our final meeting we headed to another temple site.  It was another 200 steps or so to the top.  I was so tired by this point but I knew that I had to get to the top.  I pushed through and made it to the top.  I was happy that I made it because from the top we were able to witness the most beautiful sunset that I have ever seen.  I was so happy in this moment.  

What is that?

November 5, 2008

The guesthouse where we are staying is gross.  Call me high maintenance, but is it too much to ask for sheets without body fluid stains?  Maybe it’s just me…who knows.  

What the Heck is Jainism?

November 5, 2008

We left Visthar this morning around 10:00am to head out for our next field visit.  After a four-hour bus ride we arrived in Shrananabelagola.  I can’t pronounce it so don’t ask me to.  We came here to study Jainism.  As we drove up to the village our leader, Sham, pointed to our challenge.  At 6:30 tomorrow morning we are going to be climbing 670 stairs to the see a temple on top of a hill (Darshan of Bahubali).  I’m a little worried about it.  I know that it’s going to be a difficult climb and I plan to sweat my butt off.  I’m not going to be the only one with this issue, so at least I’m not alone.  I guess that I’m not going to worry about it anymore tonight.  We met with Jagadguru Karmayogi this afternoon (he’s kind of like the pope of Jainism).  When he came into the room several people bowed at his feet.  It was a little weird but I didn’t know anything about Jainism so I can’t judge.  I didn’t know anything about the Jain religion before today.  Jainism is very different from so many religions that I know about.  We were told that’s there are no gods in Jainism, only people.  Since there are no gods in this religion, idols are important.  In fact, they are the most important things.  I haven’t figured out if they pray to these idols or just meditate to them.  Its just really different from what I’m used to.  The center point of the religion is discovering what is the nature of the soul.   A person must look inward to figure this out.  Once you understand the nature of the soul, you are able to understand the entire universe.  The Jains believe that there are three bodies.  The first is the physical body, the second is a collection of molecules (includes actions and emotions), and the third body is the energy body.  The second body is the most important.  This body consists of who you were in the past and who you are in the present.  This is where anger, lust, pride and jealousy are.  It is the goal of Jains to purify this body through meditation.  Once this body is pure, one can know the universe.  During a session I asked about what happens to people if they are not pure and the leader told me that if you cannot be pure just be a good person.  Okay?  Anyway, there is so much that I don’t know about this religion and I don’t think that I will be able to get it all in 2 days.  I have so many questions, that I want to ask, but that’s India for you.  So many questions and so little time.  

More Reiki

November 4, 2008

We had another session of Reiki today.  I think that I was more into it today, but the skeptic in me just won’t let me truly believe that I am doing anything that is healing to anyone.  I have this feeling that has a lot to do with how I see western medicine.  When a person is sick they go to a doctor and get medicine, you don’t go to a spiritual healer and get touched.  I just find it hard to believe.  The experience today was hard because some people from the group really believe that Reiki works and it makes me laugh.  I didn’t want to offend anyone, but I started laughing during group Reiki.  It is just really hard for me to touch people that I don’t know.  It makes me really uncomfortable.  I am probably the last person that wants to get in on a group hug, and yet there I am hugging someone for the first time in 2 months.

The theme of personal space continues to come up for me.  Within the group it is not an issue because I think all of us have this issue with space.  We had to perform Reiki on each other today and I hated it.  My roommate and I were partners and I couldn’t look her in the face otherwise I knew that I was going to start laughing.  As she put her hands on my face I knew it was going to be a long hour.  I was laying there thinking about how uncomfortable I was.  How am I supposed to get anything out of the experience if I feel this way?  I’m glad that Reiki is over.  

Loving Touch

November 3, 2008

We began our religion course today.  The first thing that we are learning about is Reiki.  Reiki is the practice of healing with laying hands on a person.  I’ve heard of the practice before coming to India, but today I actually got to practice it.  I don’t know how I feel about it.  We were taught how to do Reiki on ourselves.  While doing it I was waiting for something to happen but nothing did.  At least I think nothing happened.  I guess that I didn’t know what I was looking for.  That might have something to do with it.  I probably should have asked before we started.  Darn!  Plus, I don’t really know very much about alternative healing.  I think that I sometimes let my inexperience with things like this interfere with the experience.  I found myself thinking how stupid Reiki is.  I think that I will try harder during class tomorrow.  It was kind of funny because after the experience the instructor talked about giving yourself a loving touch.  I guess that was just really funny to me.  I had to stop myself from laughing, and for those of you who know me, you know that can be extremely hard for me to do sometimes.  I just think that a lot of things are funny at inappropriate moments. 

I did get something out of this experience.  The leader talked about loving one’s self.  This actually struck a cord with me.  Throughout my travels I have found it harder and harder to love myself and love the place I come from.  I think this is because of the guilt I feel about living a privileged life and my personal lifestyle.  I started thinking about why I feel guilty.  Why should I feel guilty?  I was placed in my position and I am lucky that I am here.  Now that I know how lucky I am, I can make a change.  Opened eyes are probably the best gift that I could have ever been given.  Thank you India for opening my eyes.  I may not be able to make changes that make the history books, and maybe that’s okay.  I am only one person, but I am one person with consciousness and the ability to do something.  I think that can love myself for this.    

Bent But Not Broken

November 2, 2008

I am back at Visthar.  I don’t think that I could be any happier.  The last few days haven’t gone very good.  I think that something is wrong with my friend Auzzie.  She started acting really strange the other day and hasn’t been the same since.  I wonder if I did something that upset her.  She will hardly speak to me.  I really don’t know what to do.  On a brighter note, I’m getting along with my roommate a lot better now.  She seems to have settled down a little and is finally realizing that I’m not a terrible person, but I think everyone from the group is getting better.  We have reached the half way mark of the trip and I think that makes everyone a little happier.  This journey has not been an easy one.  It has pulled all of us in so many directions.  Each of us has questioned so much about ourselves, our country and the rest of the world, and have gotten very few answers to these questions.  I have been through four years of college and I have never been pushed like this before.  I’m surprised by my own strength.  Who would have thought that this Midwestern, small town girl would make it in India?