My Emotions Need Sunshine

November 25, 2008
Tensions are really high among the members of our group. I feel like I can’t really say anything right now without someone getting really upset. Everyone is really stressed out about this paper that we have to write for our religion class. It’s a difficult paper to write because we have very limited resources. There is no Internet access and there are very few books to choose from in the library. I’m trying my best to keep my cool about the paper. I finally came up with a topic. That’s at least one thing to be happy about. I really wish that members of our group were feeling better. It makes it difficult to be around them. I really could use some time away from them, but its difficult here because we are in a small space and I don’t feel comfortable going out by myself. This has been a really difficult day for me. Last night, my roommate flipped out. She had been dealing with her skin color ever since we’ve been in India. She feels like she is being discriminated against because she has dark skin. I think that yesterday was just too much for her. She went over the edge. She started yelling about how she hates white people. She told me that she is going to be so militant when she returns to the states. I didn’t know what to say. Am I one of these white people that she hates? Why is she taking this out on me? Now I feel like we can’t be friends because she hates white people. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I don’t know how to make her feel better about the situation. This is making things really hard for me. I just feel so trapped by the situation. I don’t want to say the wrong thing, so I’m just not saying anything at all. I hate this so much. We still have to spend 3 more weeks in India and I have a feeling that if this doesn’t get better it is going to be a long 3 weeks. It really just makes me want to go home right now! I hate feeling this way. I have been pretty happy for the past couple of weeks and now I feel like I have let other people’s issues impact how I feel.