My New Extended Family

December 14, 2008

I’m sitting in the meditation hut as I am writing this.  I’ve been working on my final presentation but I guess that I just needed a break.  I’ve been thinking too much about other things to really focus on the task at hand.  Over the past four months I’ve been thinking about going home, but today I’m thinking about what I am going to be leaving behind.  There is so much to go home for but there is just as much to stay here for.  I had so much fun last night and I really want to continue having fun with my new friends here.  I have built some amazing relationships and I don’t want them to end.  We are going back in a few days and we will be going to different directions.  Some to Gustavus, others to Concordia and some not going back to school at all.  Our little group is breaking up and I don’t want that to happen.  I’m so afraid to be without them.  We have stuck together through thick and thin and we are leaving each other.  Just when things are starting to get really good, we’re leaving each other.  I have been side by side with them and I don’t know how I’m going to go on without them.  I really wish this wasn’t happening.  I want to see my family and friends but I don’t want to let these people go.  I didn’t think that I would ever get to this point, but here I am holding back the tears.  Tears for what I am about to lose.  How could this have happened to me?  How could I let myself become so vulnerable with these strangers?  I guess we’re not really strangers anymore.  We are family now.  I want to thank all of them for making my experience so wonderful at times.  Thank you Karly, Kate, Auzzie, Brianna, Andrea, Dusty, Jesse, Erin, Amanda, Gee, Nick, Marty, Dimitri, Jon, Steve and Jonathan.  You have all made this experience awesome.  I have been blessed to have each of you in my life.  I am so happy that we will always have this experience together.  Things were not always easy but we made it through together.  Wow.  I all of the sudden got really cheesy, but I don’t care.  I really mean all of these things.  I could never have done this without you guys.       

Play It Once More, Bangalore!

December 13, 2008

Today was our last Saturday in India.  I can’t even believe it.  I didn’t do all that much today.  I spent the day thinking about what I want to say during my presentation on Monday, but I didn’t get any real work accomplished, but that’s okay.  I have all day tomorrow to get stuff done.  I’m definitely still a college student.  Using my Sunday to finish what I should have done today. 

Six of us went into Bangalore this afternoon to do some shopping and then meet with the rest of the group for one last group dinner. We are definitely becoming pros at this now.  We rode the bus into town and got out at the night stop and everything. We walked around the crowded city.  I almost got run over on several different occasions, but when doesn’t that happen here?  I never thought that I would be able to get around this massive city without a guide but we did just fine.  We even found what we were looking for and didn’t have to ask for directions at all.  We are so awesome.  I tried to use up what was left of my rupees but I didn’t see too much that I really liked.  I guess that I’m going to have to go back to the city at least one more time before we leave.  We finally arrived at the restaurant and had dinner.  It was pretty good and it was nice to have everyone together for a nice meal.  Except Auzzie, because she decided to go on a date with some random guy she met.  How nice of her!  The best part was that she never came back to Visthar tonight and is still gone.  I hope she’s okay.  Anyway, we had fun without her.  Brianna, Jesse, Erin and I decided that we were going to do a little more shopping before we left the city for the night.  We had a lot of fun walking around the city.  The funniest thing happened to us on the way back to Visthar.  We hired a rickshaw to take us back and it was awesome.  The roads are really bad on the way to Visthar and the driver didn’t know it before.  We got to the unpaved section of the drive and our driver started saying, “ahhhhhhhhahhhhhhhahhhhh.”  It was hilarious because we were going over bumps and he sounded like a little kid riding his bike on gravel.  I was laughing so hard.  He didn’t stop doing it the whole time.  I thought that I was going to pee my pants.  Only in India.  What an awesome night!  

A Little Reflection

December 12, 2008

My time in India is quickly approaching the end.  I have 5 days left in this country and I can’t help but reflect on everything that I have done in the last 3.5 months.  I spent some time today looking at pictures from earlier in the trip.  We have done so much.  It’s hard to believe that we have really been here for this long.  As I have said in previous entries, India has a way of changing people.  I know that I have changed in more ways than I could have ever imagined.  The other people on this trip have changed too.  I am truly amazed by this group of students.  We were all strangers 3 months ago and now I know that I am really going to miss them.  We have been through so much together.  No one else will really be able to understand how I feel about the things that I have done.  When I get on the plane on Thursday I know that I will feel excited about going home but I think that I will cry because I will soon be leaving these people.  It took a long time to become close with everyone but now that I have I don’t want to leave them.  We are going to a group dinner tomorrow night in the city and I just know that it’s going to be emotional for a lot of us.  I really hope that we will all stay in touch once we are back in the states.    

I Need A Break

December 11, 2008

We had a short session this morning.  We are now in the process of wrapping up the trip.  We talked for some time about what it’s going to be like going home.  We started by talking about our expectations of the course.  This list of expectations was written out from the very beginning.  It was a long list about what we expected to get from the experience.  I thought about my own expectations and I know that I have met them.  I did what I came to do in India.  Some of the expectations were met without me even realizing it at the time.  My greatest expectation was to get out of my comfort zone, and I did just that.  I got so far outside my comfort zone that I couldn’t even see that zone anymore. 

After the discussion I got really nervous about going home.  I really want to go home but I’m afraid of what it’s going to be like.  I have one more week in India and then it’s over and I might never come back here again.  It might be the last time I’m here.  It’s defiantly a bittersweet feeling.  I’m afraid of what’s next in my life but I’m happy that I’m going to be with my family again.  I wonder how my life will change.  I wonder if people will still see me as the same person.  Will I still be able to make people laugh?  It’s a little terrifying wondering if people will still know me.  I want to prove that I am the same old Michele just a little different.  I don’t want people to think that I know the world because I don’t.  I’m leaving India with more questions than I started with and I’m more confused than ever before.  I have always thought of myself as this unchanging person and now I’ve changed and I know it.  I can’t give specifics but I know I have.  Wow.  Reflection is really hard.  I feel like this entry is just full of stuff and it doesn’t really make all that much sense.  Oh well.  My brain is just going in all different directions right now.  I think I need a nap or a drink or something.  Oh, India!  Look at what you’ve done to me.        

It's Final Project Time

December 10, 2008

I’ve spent the majority of the day working on my final project.  It’s amazing that I am finally to the point of this experience to be working on the final project.  I’m really excited about it too.  I’ve been working on it since October but now its finally coming together.  Through missions at church I have been able to raise money for the Bandhavi School here at Visthar.  I’m really hoping that this will be a lasting relationship between Visthar and my home church.  I think that I will be able to get the congregation excited about helping a school about 10,000 miles away.  I am often surprised by how willing people are to help out people they will never have a chance to meet.  I feel so good about this whole thing.  That’s all for today.  

A Changing Perspective

December 9, 2008

We made it back to Visthar last night around 11:30.  It was so strange coming back here.  The last time I was at the Bangalore Airport was on August 30^th.  That was the day we first got to India.  I remember being so confused about everything.  The driver was on the wrong side of the bus and we were driving down the wrong side of the road.  I was so curious about everything that was going on outside of the window and I wondered how I was going to learn everything about this country in 4 months.  I had so many questions and no one to direct them to.  I wonder if my mouth was hanging wide open the entire way to Visthar the first time.  This time the drive was different.  I found myself smiling about everything around me.  I smiled because I felt a huge sense of pride in myself.  India has been hard but I have finally figured out a few things.  I still get surprised by some of the situations I end up in but now I feel like I can actually face them.  I still have a lot left to do in India but I think that I will be able to face this challenging week head on.  I didn’t make it this far just to give up.  I have an awesome final project to do and I think that will be more fun than work anyway.  I’ve got to get back to work.  

Traveling Makes Me Tired

December 8, 2008

We are sitting in the Mumbai airport right now waiting to get our tickets figured out.  For some reason things aren’t working out the way they should be.  I just want to get through security, get on the plane and get back to Bangalore.  I really just want to be back at Visthar and getting this trip wrapped up.  I feel like I still have so much left to do here and so little time.  I really just want to go back home.  I want to have a chance to relax and feel sweet freedom.  I want to be able to come and go as I please and not have to answer to anyone but myself.  Ever since coming to India I have felt trapped.  We are constantly moving and being asked to do so much.  I have forgotten what it feels like to have a free weekend.  I know that I’ve said it before but it feels like we are in class 24/7.  I’ve been wondering what I will miss about India when we leave and I haven’t come up with anything yet.  I realize that doesn’t sound very good.  I’ve been living here for almost 4 months and I won’t miss anything.  Maybe I just need to take a step back and take a deeper look into the experience.  There’s a lot of reflection that needs to happen within myself.  I think that the hardest part is knowing that there’s so much that I will need to do by myself.  It’s hard to think about this reflection in terms of doing it on my own.  It’s actually really sad.  Great.  Now I made myself sad.  I’m done for the day.  

This Experience is Mine

December 7, 2008

I can’t believe that it is the 7^th of December!  It seems like only yesterday that I was standing in the airport with 16 strangers.  I thought about running out of the airport and calling my parents to come back and get me.  I could have run and never looked back, but I didn’t.  I got in line and got on that plane.  I took my first brave steps into the world.  Wow, I have never thought that about myself before.  Brave?  Who, me?  I didn’t know that coming to India would take so much courage, but it really does.  I’ve done it.  I’ve proved it to myself and to the rest of the world.  Look at what I can do.  India has scared me and pulled me in so many directions.  It’s hard to believe that I am the same woman who left Minnesota in August.  There were so many times that I considered giving up and going home.  I wanted to prove to myself and everyone else that I could do this, and I really have.  I am so happy that I decided to stick it out in India.  I have learned so much about the world and about myself.  This experience has been so difficult for me and yet I am so happy that I have made it.  I think that I have done more than I ever thought possible.  I don’t think that anyone, other than myself, can really understand how this experience has been for me.  We are getting graded on our participation here and that makes me a little angry because how can anyone judge what I have done here.  No one really knows but me.  No one from this trip really knew me before coming to India so how could they possibly know? 

I have been wondering this a lot lately.  I was so homesick at the beginning of this experience and I was trying to deal with so much in my personal life and that made things so hard for me.  I lost my best friend to suicide 4 months before coming to India and I have spent so much time trying to grieve for that loss.  I feel like some people from the trip don’t understand that I have been going through this the whole time.  It seems like they just want me to forget what is going on in my personal life and just be in this experience.  That’s a lot easier said then done.  That is not something that someone can just get over.  I wish that there was more sensitivity involved when judging me on my personality and experience in India.  I miss my friend so much and it just kills me inside.  So, I’m sorry if that gets in the way of my experience here!     

 

Really...More Terrorists

December 6, 2008

We were supposed to go back to Visthar today, but because of terrorist threats on the airport we are staying in Udiapur until Monday.  I’m so afraid.  I just want to go home.  I want to get out of this country alive.  There have been other scary things in my life but this is the worst fear that I have ever felt.  Why are the terrorists doing this?  What is so wrong with the world that these terrorists feel that they need to kill innocent people to get their point across?  This extremist group is doing so much harm in this country and around the world.  I know for a fact that people from home will not have a very good view of people from this part of the world after all of this.  My family is worried sick about me.  I know that they are seeing these terrorists as Middle Eastern people and it does not help at all.  In the US we are shown, through media, that terrorists come from this part of the world.  I’m so afraid and I’m so angry about this whole thing.  

My Purpose

December 5, 2008

We had a session today that was supposed to wrap up this course on environment.  The most important part of this session was about figuring out how we will make changes in our own lives after we leave India.  We were asked to draw a tree of life.  Different parts of the tree are supposed to represent certain parts of your life.  The roots are what you want to hold on to (family, friends, strong relationship, hope, and faith), the trunk and branches are what you want to experience or do differently (do more outside, be a kid again, travel, love more, walk barefoot, remember what makes life so special, shop less), the fruits of the tree are your dreams or things you want to discover (the world, myself, find true happiness everyday) and the dead branches are the things that I want to let go (sadness, hate, greed).  This tree of life was difficult to do and I had to think about what I wanted to write for a long time.  I had a hard time understanding what this exercise had to do with the environment course.  It made me wonder about what is the purpose/meaning of my life, not the environment.  I will be done with college in 13 days and I really wish that I knew the next step in my journey.  I have felt so lost for the last 6 months and India has just added more questions for me, and has provided so few answers.  I keep thinking about this experience and wondering how it is going to change my life and what I will do with all of this information.  I just haven’t come up with anything yet.  I wish that life was easy sometimes but I don’t know if it would be as much fun if everything came easy. I have a strong feeling that I really won’t know how this has changed me until after I get back to the states.

What a Waste

December 4, 2008

A few members of the group went to a tree house today.  It was really awesome.  It was not like a little kid tree house.  It was an actual tree house.  It was 3 stories high and super awesome.  The tree house was made out of all recycled materials and was built to fit the tree perfectly.  I really like the idea of making things out of recycled materials.  My family lives in an area where we are not able to get our recyclable waste picked up and so we just throw everything out.  After this week, I feel like we should really change this.  I often wonder about my own wastefulness in these situations.  I wonder about how much I have used in this life.  How much have I thrown away?  How much of that could have been used again?  I wonder where all of that waste ended up.  It could have made its way to India.  We know that India buys garbage from the United States so my garbage from home could have made it to India without me even knowing it. 

In the US we are so driven to buy more than we need.  Why do we have this drive?  We are told that these things will make us happy.  But do they actually make us any happy?  I really don’t think that our things make us any happier.  A lot of the things that we buy end up in the trash.  Over the last 3 months I have been living off 5 shirts and 2 pair of pants.  If someone had told me that I could live off so little for 3 months I never would have believed them.  I have been living simply in India and it surprises me so much.  I guess that I don’t really think about it anymore.  I wonder how many of these lifestyle changes will come home with me.  I guess that I will just have to wait and see what happens when I get back.      

"Cultural" Event

December 3, 2008

We spent the day at the Shikshantar organization (it’s a center that focuses on alternative lifestyles).  We didn’t really do all that much so it was nice to have a chance to relax a little. 

Tonight was awesome we went to the Advent Institute (the school we worked with at the lakes).  It was supposed to be dinner and a cultural event, but we found out that it was so much more.  The “cultural” event was ridiculous.  The first performer came on stage and did a Bollywood dance and a nun chuck routine.  It was so funny.  I guess that I didn’t expect it at all.  There were more performances.  Some could be considered cultural but most were absolutely crazy.  One man actually sang “Nothing at all” by Alison Krauss.  I was laughing so hard.  I couldn’t help it.  We were there for a cultural event and this man is standing in front of us singing an English song to us that was popular when I was 12 years old.  The only thing that I could do was smile and laugh.  I’m so thankful that someone videotaped this experience so that I can see it again.  After the “cultural” event we were invited to have some dinner.  As we ate, a big group of students watched us and made sure that we were enjoying every bite of our meal.  It was actually really good food.  Some people asked for my email and I’m pretty sure that an Indian man fell in love with me tonight.  He kept making eyes at me.  It was really weird.  I was happy when we left because then he wouldn’t be able to stare at me anymore.  This was a crazy night for sure.      

 

The Lakes

December 1 and 2, 2008

We split into smaller groups today to go on different field visits.  Each group is focusing on different aspects of the environment in India, specifically environmental problems.  The group that I am with is learning about the lakes in the Udiapur area and the human and environmental impacts on these lakes.  One important thing to note is that Udiapur is on the edge of a desert and water sources can become scarce.  There are so many factors involved with the conservation of these lakes.  In Udiapur there were over 100 lakes and now there are only 5 or 6.  This is such a huge problem for this area and it defiantly needs to be addressed.  The problem is that no one really wants to address it.    

We spent a second day working on the lakes.  I’m really bored with this.  I was getting sick of doing nothing and just driving around looking at the lakes.  I really just wanted to be done with it.  I feel like people here know there’s a problem with the lakes but the situation seems so hopeless that people don’t think that anything that they do will actually matter because the problems are so big.  We spent some time with lake researchers from the area.  It was really disappointing.  We talked to them about the problems that we had seen with the lakes and offered some of out own solutions to these problems.  We were told that they tried doing all of these things to change the status of the lakes.  I think that the major problem is that these researchers are only looking at fast solutions and not long-term solutions.  They were really pessimistic about the future of these essential lakes. I got really upset about this because lately I have wanted to help with changing something about the world and this just makes me feel a sense of hopelessness.  I’m so happy that today is over and I don’t have to do this again.  

 

The Last Two Train Rides

November 29 and 30, 2008

We had another night train from Delhi to Udiapur.  This was by far the worst train ride of India.  Thank God that I have no more train rides left.  I don’t even want to look at another train ever again.  We were in the regular sleeper class.  Basically, its dirty, smelly, you don’t get blankets and the windows refuse to close all the way so you freeze your butt off all night long and all the while you’re being stared by random people.  It was a miserable night.  It started off terrible.  There was this horrible, pushy, rude Indian man who was being such a jerk to me.  I felt like I might just lose it.  In other words, “I was going to kick some ass and take some names.”  Fortunately, for this particular man, I held it together and I didn’t have to see him again.  Some people in this world are so rude and I really can’t figure out why.  After a freezing cold, sleepless night we arrived in Udiapur.  The hotel where we are staying is probably the nicest place that we have been to so far.  There’s hot water, western toilets, soft beds and even a small TV in every room.  It is so amazing.  It feels so nice to be at this place.  I know that I will be able to get a lot of good rest here and that makes me so happy.

We began our Environment course today.  There’s a lot to learn about in the next 6 days but I think that it will be really cool to learn about it all.  We’ve been living in this environment for 3 months now and it will be nice to finally put some things together.  There’s so much that I want to know about the environment here in India.  Also, the people who are coordinating this course are Indian Hippies.  Which is really cool.  They seem so nice and 2 of them grew up in the United States so they understand us more than most of the other people that we have met.  We went over a brief schedule of what we will be doing over the next few days and it all sounds really awesome.  I can’t wait to get started.             

I Get Around...India

November 28, 2008

Today is our final day in Varanasi.  It’s a little bitter sweet leaving this place.  I really like it here even though I feel like I’ve been sleeping on a card table with a quilt as a mattress.  At the same time, I really want to get going to our next field visit.  I’m happy that the religion course is officially over.  It has been incredibly challenging for me.  There has been so much information to absorb.  We are leaving here at 5:00 this afternoon and taking a night train back to Delhi.  I’m not looking forward to the train ride but that’s just how people get around in India, and now that we’ve been here for 3 months we know what to expect when we get on the train.  At least I’m not nervous about it.

I’m actually feeling more and more like a resident here.  I clearly don’t fit in India with my skin color but I feel like I know the ropes a little better now and have figured out how some things work around here.  

Thanksgiving

November 27, 2008

Today is Thanksgiving, but I don’t really feel like celebrating.  I’m too worried to feel like celebrating.  Last night there were bomb blasts in Mumbai targeted at westerners.  The blasts killed a whole bunch of people.  The numbers are not confirmed yet.  People like me.  People like me are the targets in this whole thing.  We have three weeks left in this country and I’m terrified.  We were told that we are safe where we are but I still don’t feel safe.  In fact, I have never been this scared in my whole life.  Visthar is trying to make us feel better about the situation but I just don’t feel any better.  I guess that we really shouldn’t worry but I just can’t help it.  I want to enjoy Thanksgiving but I don’t know how to right now.  Maybe I just need to get out and do something fun, or watch a movie or something. 

I’m writing this entry after dinner.  We had a Thanksgiving dinner tonight and it was amazing.  Carolyn, Jonathan’s wife, did so much to make dinner special for us.  I am so thankful that she is here.  We ate really awesome food.  I think that I ate more tonight than I have at any point in India.  I’m writing this entry about 3 hours after dinner and I’m still so full.  It’s really an awesome feeling.  I thought that tonight was going to be really hard for me but it has actually turned out to be pretty amazing.  I think that this is the happiest I have been in India so far.  This group of people amazes me.  I have truly come to love some of them.  We have been able to share so much with each other and we will carry these memories with us for the rest of our lives.  We may not stay in contact with each other, but the memory of these days will always remind me of what awesome people have come into my life and how blessed I really am.  God has given me so much to be thankful for and now this experience in India is on my thankful list.  If you had asked me two months ago if I was thankful to be in India I would have thought you were crazy.  My thoughts have changed significantly.  I don’t think that I could be any happier about this experience than I am right now.  I still miss my family but it is different now.  I know that it may sound cliché but I have some family right here with me in India.  I just feel so content right now and it is so awesome.     

Thank God For My Mom

November 26, 2008 I was feeling really depressed this morning. It had been two weeks since I had a chance to talk to either of my parents and it really was wearing on my soul. I just needed to have some comfort from home. I decided to use Karly’s phone to call my mom. Thank God she answered. I just about broke down, but I knew that I had to keep it together so that my mom wouldn’t worry about me. It was so awesome just hearing her voice. I feel so much better now. It’s amazing how one person can make your day special. I only talked to her for about 15 minutes but I think that it was enough for my mood to do a 180. Its so hard being away from Visthar because communication with home is so much easier from there. I didn’t realize how much I was going to miss my family while I was in India. I’m incredibly thankful for this experience because it has helped me understand how much my family means to me. I never want to be away from them for this long ever again. Thanksgiving is tomorrow and I have this feeling that I will be a little depressed. I’m supposed to be writing a paper and I will probably be thinking about being with my family. I will wonder what they are doing, who is there and what kind of food they are eating. Some people don’t like going to family gatherings but I really love it. My family is really fun and we always have an awesome time together. I’m hoping that our group will have a good time here. I know that we are not family but maybe we can be family just for today. We have no one but each other. I think that members from our group often forget that we are all we have in India. None of us gets to be with our families. I think that some people forget that we are going through the same feelings about being away from home.

My Emotions Need Sunshine

November 25, 2008
Tensions are really high among the members of our group. I feel like I can’t really say anything right now without someone getting really upset. Everyone is really stressed out about this paper that we have to write for our religion class. It’s a difficult paper to write because we have very limited resources. There is no Internet access and there are very few books to choose from in the library. I’m trying my best to keep my cool about the paper. I finally came up with a topic. That’s at least one thing to be happy about. I really wish that members of our group were feeling better. It makes it difficult to be around them. I really could use some time away from them, but its difficult here because we are in a small space and I don’t feel comfortable going out by myself. This has been a really difficult day for me. Last night, my roommate flipped out. She had been dealing with her skin color ever since we’ve been in India. She feels like she is being discriminated against because she has dark skin. I think that yesterday was just too much for her. She went over the edge. She started yelling about how she hates white people. She told me that she is going to be so militant when she returns to the states. I didn’t know what to say. Am I one of these white people that she hates? Why is she taking this out on me? Now I feel like we can’t be friends because she hates white people. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I don’t know how to make her feel better about the situation. This is making things really hard for me. I just feel so trapped by the situation. I don’t want to say the wrong thing, so I’m just not saying anything at all. I hate this so much. We still have to spend 3 more weeks in India and I have a feeling that if this doesn’t get better it is going to be a long 3 weeks. It really just makes me want to go home right now! I hate feeling this way. I have been pretty happy for the past couple of weeks and now I feel like I have let other people’s issues impact how I feel.

One Ultimate Truth

November 24, 2008 India has been an incredibly interesting place. I have learned so much and experienced more than I could have ever imagined before coming here. One of the things that I found to be constant in India is the constant presence of the Hindu religion. Today we had a lecture on Hinduism and I feel like I finally have a decent understanding of the basics of this religion. We have been surrounded by this religion ever since we arrived here and I finally feel like I know something about it. Our focus during this course is religion with an emphasis on healing. We met with a man today named Swami Yogi Prakarsh. He told us that the Hindu tradition is the oldest in the world because it has no beginning and no end. I suppose that could be true. One of the most interesting things that he talked about is how there are many paths to God, and Hinduism is one of those paths. I was very interested in this concept. He said, “There are many ways to get to the Ganges, but there is only one Ganges.” I have ever really thought about this concept before. There are many paths to God. I have always thought that either your religion was the right religion or it was one of the wrong religions. People believe that their personal religion is the right religion. Some have believed this so deeply that they have been willing to fight and kill in the name of their God. Religion can make people do some terrible things. I have thought about this all day. What if all religions believed that each religion is valid? What would our world be like? What would history look like? I wonder if there would finally be peace in the world. I guess that I can only imagine. I really like this concept.

Buddhist Temples

November 22, 2008 Today was filled with visits to Buddhist temples. We went to the place where Buddha gave his first sermon. I thought that was really awesome. I don’t really know very much about Buddhism but I still think that it was cool to be in the place. We had the opportunity to have lunch and conversation with Buddhist monks. I had a hard time understanding what was being said at my table because our monk had a very thick accent and was hard to decipher. It was another experience day with little information. I’m looking forward to the lectures to get some more information about what I have been doing over the last few days. The best part of the day was after lunch. We went to a school for blind girls. We arrived at their campus and were welcomed with song and dance. Some of the girls played instruments. It was amazing to watch these girls perform. I don’t know how the teachers are able to teach them how to dance but they were awesome. I looked around the crowd of girls and felt my chest start to tighten. Looking at those faces made me want to cry. I wanted them to be able to see us. I wanted to make eye contact with them and make a connection with them. I felt myself wondering again. Why am I so lucky? I have all of my senses. Why are these girls blind? Do they know what they are missing? I don’t know what its like to walk around in the dark all of the time and probably never will. I have taken so much for granted in my life. It makes me feel just terrible. I have a lot to be thankful for and India has truly helped me see that.

More Hindu Temples

November 21, 2008 Today was crazy, busy day. We were up at 4:30am and we ready to leave our guesthouse by 5:00. However, we did not leave at 5:00. We ended up leaving at 5:30. I was so angry because I could have used that extra half hour of sleep. Anyway, I tried not to let it get me down. I wanted to have a good day. We walked down to the river. I couldn’t believe that I was standing on the shore of the Ganges River. It was still very dark outside but we were going to start our tour anyway. We looked around for a few minutes and then climbed into a boat. Auzzie looked at me and asked, “Do you think these boats have lifejackets?” I told her not to count on it. We had a little laugh. It was so amazing to be on a boat on the Ganges River. I looked around and noticed all of the garbage along the shore. I can’t believe that people actually use this water for bathing. The water did not smell as bad as I thought that it would though. We have been near a lot of water in India and it seems to always smell just terrible. Our tour guide told us about the religious significance of the river and its importance to the people of this city and this country. As we traveled down the river we were able to see the sun come up through the fog/smog (I’m not totally sure what it was). One major part of this journey on the river was to stop and watch where dead bodies were cremated. We watched as some men placed wood around a body and start it on fire and then watched as the body burned. This was not an easy thing to watch. I thought about how this religious experience means a lot to the people of this community and wondered why it is okay for us to be here just watching this happen. I was really uncomfortable and really just wanted to get away from there. The guide told us that after the body was burned the ashes were placed into the river. This is happening 24 hours of each and every day. Downstream from this site we watched as local residents used the river as a bathtub. They wash themselves in the same water that the ashes are thrown in. I know that this river is holy to these people but I just can’t believe that this is happening. It just doesn’t seem right. Here I go again judging a community that I don’t fully understand. I really need to work on that. The rest of the day was filled with Hindu temple visits, some shopping and a ceremony by the river at night. It was a really full day. I am a little frustrated because we went on a bunch of temple visits today and we were given very little background information. I felt like I had no idea what I was looking at. It’s hard to know what is important when you don’t know what you’re looking at. We talked to our professor about this. He told us that it is just how the program is done. We are given the opportunity to get an experience and formulate questions, and then lectures come after to fill in the gaps. I don’t really like this system, but I guess that I will just have to live with it for the next month.

Thankful List

November 20, 2008 This is what I am thankful for… Mom, Dad, Adam, Kellie, Danielle, Heidi, Grandparents, other family members, clean water to drink, hot water to bathe, washing machines, dryers, food to eat, shoes, going home in December, having a place to call home, pony tail holders, tooth paste and brushes, the ability to read and write, public education, college, calling home, supportive people through the church, friends, best friends, computers (to make calling home easier), the internet, rolling suitcases, love, speaking English, pedicures, massages, vacations, parents who will let me live at home after graduation, being loved and missed, basic toiletries, having 2 bathrooms at home, doctors, pillows, cool weather, holidays, living in a country with no war its soil, reminders of how lucky I am, new experiences, acceptance, bug spray, anti malaria pills, Ruby, The Simpsons, bonfires, fall colors, sweaters and jeans, music, family dinners, Applebee’s, The Nissan Sentra, American food, deodorant, smiles, hugs and kisses, being away to learn how to appreciate being home, beaches, mountains, snow, soda, no power outages, air conditioning when its hot, cameras, home videos, dancing, There’s so much more but so little time.

Varanasi

November 20, 2008
We arrived in Varanasi at about 8:30 this morning after a 14-hour train ride. It was a terrible train ride. I don’t know why but I just couldn’t sleep. Maybe it was the little kid sleeping near us who had the worst sleep apnea I have ever heard in my life, or maybe it was the hundreds of cockroaches crawling near my head, or maybe it was the fact that I had a gun near my face when a police officer came to our car to get our signatures, or perhaps it was the lingering memory of what I saw yesterday with the beggar children. My guess is that it is a combination of everything. Basically, it was the worst night of sleep that I have had in a long time. I haven’t slept well in India, but last night was terrible. I need some time to get my thoughts straight.

Today was a pretty relaxed day once we arrived at our guesthouse. We had about an hour of talking and that was it. I’m looking forward to learning more about Hinduism. I feel like we have been surrounded by this religion ever since we got here and I don’t really know all that much about it. It will be nice to get some facts about it and finally make some connections. I’m so tired and we have to get up really early tomorrow for a boat ride on the River Ganges. I hope that I will be able to fall asleep quickly tonight.

More Tears in India

November 19, 2008
We had another free day in Delhi today. The day started really good but that changed by the afternoon. I saw the saddest thing that I have seen in India so far. There’s a part of me that doesn’t want to talk about it and another part of me that can’t help but tell people what I saw. We were in a busy shopping area. It seems like there are always a lot of beggars in these types of areas. I suppose that they are able to get some people to give them money. We had 3 children who were following us around for a while. Auzzie wanted to get some food and so we went to a pizza place and she made an order for herself and also ordered a pizza to give to the children. We were waiting outside for the pizza to get finished. The children were sitting near us. There were 2 young boys and a little tiny baby girl. All of the kids were really dirty and the little girl was naked. The little boys kept picking her up, hitting her, pulling her ears and grabbing her privates. She was crying. None of us knew what to do. I looked over at Auzzie and she started to cry. This poor little girl was being abused in a public place and no one was doing anything. We didn’t know what to do either. I looked around to see if I could spot their mother, but I didn’t see anyone. What could we do? What can I do in this situation? A few minutes later the pizza that Auzzie ordered came out. She brought it over to the children. The largest boy grabbed the box and ran off smiling and laughing. I think that a piece of my heart broke at that point. The other little boy was still holding the little girl and looking at us. We were both crying. I don’t know what to think about this whole thing. I am so upset about it.

I wonder if this sort of thing happens all the time here. I wonder where their mother is. Why isn’t she her with her children? Why is a little boy holding this baby? Why is she naked? Why is this happening? What should I do? What can I do? I’m so upset right now! We are leaving Delhi tonight and I don’t have any more time for this.

Bed Bugs

November 18, 2008 We had a free day today. It was nice to sleep in and have time to ourselves today. When I woke up this morning I saw that my body was covered in bug bites. I’m pretty sure that my bed had bedbugs. My hands are especially covered with bites. They are extremely itchy and swollen. I knew that this place was a little gross before but now I know for sure. I’ve never had anything like this happen to me. I’m really upset about it because I don’t think that it’s too much to ask that our beds be bug free. There’s another person from our group that has a bunch of bites too. So, it’s not just me. It makes me feel really dirty that I’ve been sleeping in a bed with bugs. I hope that our next guesthouse is a little cleaner. I will keep a positive attitude until then.

A World Wonder

November 17, 2008 What did you do today? Oh, nothing much. I just went to the freaking Taj Mahal. We went to the Taj Mahal today. We had to get up early to meet our bus. It is a tradition for the women of the Social Justice, Peace and Development program to wear Indian Sarees to the Taj Mahal. We were up by 5:30am to figure out how to put them on. I really didn’t want to have to wear the thing but I didn’t want to break tradition. I wore it and I think that I actually looked okay in it. We drove 3+ hours to the city of Agra to visit the Taj Mahal. When we arrived in Agra, we were taken to a fort. I guess that I didn’t realize that we were doing more sightseeing than the Taj Mahal. From the fort we were able to get our first look at the Taj. It was awesome. It looked so amazing. I was getting really excited to finally get to it. I didn’t really pay any attention to the tour of the fort, because I just wanted to get to the Taj. When we finally left I was anticipating getting to the Taj. This was not going to happen right away. We were taken to a government store that sells marble statues. I really didn’t want to buy anything there. I sat around and waited to go. By the time we left it was lunchtime. I was a little frustrated that we still hadn’t gotten to the Taj and I thought that our tour guide was kind of a jerk. He wanted us to eat at an Indian restaurant, but instead several of us found a Pizza Hut. I had a chicken Hawaiian pizza and a Pepsi. How’s that for sticking it to him? After lunch, we were finally at the Taj Mahal. We got in a line to go through security. The women from our group got through really fast but the men took over an hour. While we were waiting for the guys to get through, people would come up to us and ask to take pictures with us. There were a lot of white people there, but I think that we drew a crowd because we were all dressed in our sarees. People would compliment us as they walked past us. It was nice to see that some people appreciated us wearing them. I finally felt okay wearing it. Once the guys were though we walked to the Taj. It was amazing. I have seen many pictures of this place before but none of them could ever compare to seeing it in person. It was like nothing I had ever seen before. Everything about it was beautiful. It was one of those moments in my life where I literally didn’t know what to say about it. I couldn’t believe that I was standing in front of the most photographed and famous buildings in the world. I have been to the Eiffel Tour in Paris and I thought that seeing the Taj Mahal was a greater experience in my life. Maybe it is because I am older now, or maybe it is because of everything that has lead up to this moment. I wish that we had more time at the Taj to really look at it and get a feeling for what is around it, but we had to get back to the bus. This was an amazing day. I will take this day with me for the rest of my life and I will remember how being in this moment made me feel.

"The Largest Islamic Erection"-Professor Steinwand

November 16, 2008
Today was really amazing. We got up this morning and went on a big tour of Delhi. Our bus showed up a little late (surprise, surprise). We rented a really nice bus to take us around the city. This is the first time in India that I really feeling like a tourist. It’s kind of nice. We had experiences only today and no lectures. Our first stop was at a Bahal temple. This temple is very famous because it is shaped like a lotus flower. It was really awesome. The Bahal faith accepts that all religions are valid, and promotes peace and harmony. I thought that was really cool because so many religions condemn other religions because they are seen as being wrong.

The best place that we went to today was an Islamic place. It was a mosque that was made from the ruins of Hindu and Buddhist temples. The architecture was really amazing. We could see Hindu and Buddhist symbols in the columns and all around the area. We were told that it was a symbol of the strength of the Islamic faith. I don’t know too many details about the place but it was really awesome. Overall, it was a fun day. I feel like the group is different today. Everyone seems really relaxed and I like it. No one is upset and I don’t think that anyone is fighting. I wish that we had more days like this. It seems like our group doesn’t really get along a lot of the time. Maybe it is because we are all stressed. I guess that I don’t really know. Anyway, it was a fun day without fighting. I really enjoyed it.

New Delhi

November 15, 2008 We left Hyderabad bright and early this morning and made our way to Delhi. I am going to miss this place. I have really enjoyed staying here. Everything was so clean and all of the people were really nice. We took a plane to Delhi. Finally! I was happy to not be taking the train. When we got to the airport everyone was really excited to find American style food and coffee. It is amazing how much we appreciate our American food now. We don’t get it all the often and when we do it is such an awesome treat. I treated myself to a blended mocha from a coffee shop. Anyway, it only took us an hour and a half to fly to Delhi. Once we were on the ground we took a two-hour bus ride to get to the place where we are staying. I’m a little disappointed by this place. It is smaller and dirtier than the place where we stayed in Hyderabad. I really don’t like it at all. This portion of the trip is supposed to be sort of like a break. I wish that we would have spent a little more money and stayed somewhere a little nicer. I guess that it is all part of the experience. I think that my standards have gone down in terms of where I sleep because we have stayed in some really crappy places. The first time that I stay in an American hotel it’s going to seem like a palace. We had the remainder of the day to do whatever we wanted to do. We wandered around the area and found some food. Later that night we discovered that we desperately needed mosquito nets over our beds. This place has really bad screens on the windows. I wouldn’t be surprised if we wake up and a bird is flying around the room. Oh well. I’m going to bed now because I’m so excited for our tour of Delhi tomorrow and I want to be well rested.

Stressed Out Much

November 14, 2008
I wasn’t feeling well today and we had a fairly busy day planned. I decided to stay back at our hotel because I didn’t want to bring down the rest of the group. I have felt so sick in India. I just want my body to go back to feeling good everyday instead of feeling like crap everyday. I know that there will be some adjusting back in the US but I hope that it is not as difficult as the transition into India was for me. This morning our group got together to have a journal reading and afterwards we talked about what our schedule looks like for the next five weeks. Let me tell you…My stomach was in complete knots. We have a packed schedule until we leave. Between now and the 18th of December I have to write 2 five page papers, do a big final project and paper and give a book review, and on top of that tons of traveling around the country. It’s going to be a lot to do over the next month. I’m guessing that the time will start to fly by with all of the things that we have left to do. This is not the first time that I have had so many things to do at once but it is the first time that I have had to do these things some where other than Gustavus. If I were at Gustavus the stress would be bad but it would not be like this. I know that I will get everything done, but it just seems like a lot to have on my plate right now. I know that dealing with the stress will be difficult but I also know that there are some awesome opportunities coming up for me. I think that these experiences will help balance out the stress.

Being in India is like being in class 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for 4 months. Weekends have no real meaning for me here. They are just days of the week. There’s nothing too different about them. We don’t have a lot of time to just relax and enjoy the surroundings. We are always going and when we are not going we are getting ready to go somewhere. Tomorrow we are flying to Delhi where we will be experiencing “cultural tourism.” We get to be tourists. I’m looking forward to the time that we will have to spend doing some fun things together. However, I am a little nervous because during our discussion this morning we talked about Delhi being a dangerous place. We will have to be on guard the entire time we are staying in Delhi. I’m afraid that something will happen. I feel like I always have to be watching out for everything around me. We are going to have some free time in the city but we don’t know the city at all so I’m worried that I won’t be able to relax and enjoy it. Maybe I just worry too much. I really need to learn how to relax a little bit.

Stereotyping Just Kills Me

November 13, 2008 Our lectures today were about women in Islam. Yesterday I had a chance to experience first hand the lengths women must go through to “protect” themselves in this Muslim culture. Our lecturers talked about women and equality in Islam. The other day, we were told that the Quran promotes equality between men and women but there are also verses that make it clear that men and women are not equal. Several people from our class tried to talk about this issue with one of the speakers but the speakers became very defensive and didn’t want to talk about the issue. At first I thought that they didn’t understand the questions being asked but I came to realize that they were just defending their religion. This makes me a little angry because I still haven’t gotten over wearing a scarf on my head yesterday. I guess that the culture that I was raised in is just really ingrained into who I am. I sometimes have a hard time understanding Christianity and I was raised in a Christian household. I am trying to figure out how I am supposed to understand these new religions in the little time that we have learning about them. My perceptions of Muslims have changed over the past few months of being in India, but I know that there is still a part of me the associates being Muslim with being a terrorist. I am ashamed to say this, but it is true. The other day we were having a lecture and there was a Muslim man making sure that the microphone was working. I looked at him and saw a terrorist. He fit the stereotype of how a terrorist looks perfectly. I couldn’t believe that I was thinking about this man in this way. I am so upset with myself. I think that I am so open-minded and that I have few prejudices and yet here I am making a judgment about a man I never met before. This makes me realize how powerful messages are in the United States culture about who a terrorist is and what he looks like. I don’t know what to think about myself right now. I am so ashamed that I have let myself be negatively influenced by the perceptions of my culture. This has hurt me so much. I didn’t want to say anything about this to anyone in the group because I was afraid of what they would say about me. I need to get rid of these thoughts before they eat me up inside. I still have so much left to learn about India and so much left to learn about myself.

Cover Your Head

November 12, 2008 We had several lectures today about Islam. They were pretty interesting. I didn’t know much about Islam before we began this course and now I feel like I have a better understanding of the religion. We went to a Muslim boy’s school this afternoon. All of the women in our group were asked to put scarves over our heads, but the men had to do nothing. I got really pissed about this. All week we have been told that Muslim women cover themselves for protection from men. Why should I have to cover myself up because some men aren’t able to resist staring at me? Why should I have to make up for his inability to keep his mind off of sex? How is it my problem if the way that I look distracts him? I’m really trying to figure out how these women can wear this crap everyday of their lives. It made me feel like less of a person being told that I have to dress a certain way. It seems to me that if the men are the ones with problem perhaps they should teach their boys that women are not sex objects. I’m having a really hard time with this. It is not only the Muslim women who face this problem. Throughout all of India, women are told to be modest. Even when packing for this trip I had to keep in mind that I should only pack modest clothing. I know that I should respect other cultures and their traditions, but this really stinks.

Ten Rupees

November 11, 2008 We had a really interesting lecture today about Islam. However, I am not going to talk about it right now because we did something way more interesting after class. At about 2:30pm (one of the hotter parts of the day) we went to the Charminar city market. Let me tell you, this market was insane. There were thousands of people, cars and venders everywhere. It was like being trapped in a crazy, dirty maze. We stepped off the bus and went into the crowd. Beggars and venders immediately surrounded us. Women holding babies pulled at our arms and said, “ten rupees, ten rupees, baby.” I felt like this was a bad idea at first. I was so worried that I was going to get lost in all of this craziness. All I wanted to do was get back on the bus and leave this place behind. Instead, I followed the group through the thick crowd and a honking traffic jam. I sometimes wonder why there are just so many people in this country. Everything always seems so crowded. Before coming to India I had never seen so many people in one day before, and its not like I can blend into the crowd here. Our group attracts so much attention. People want to take our pictures so that they can go to their friends and say, “Look! I saw a group of white people today!” I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I hate not fitting in with the crowd. I hate being looked at. I hate being the center of attention in this country. People here look at me and see a white, wealthy woman but what they don’t realize is that I have about $40,000 in students loans waiting for me back in the United States. I have always taken for the fact that in the US I am just another person. I can’t wait to be anonymous again. We split up into smaller groups to look around the market. My group consisted of Brianna, Auzzie, Dusty and myself. We walked around the crowded market. Something happened to me today that I am not proud of. As we walked through the market, beggars would come up to us. I gave away all the change that I had in my possession. It was only about 20 rupees total. There was a woman holding a tiny baby in her arms and she came up to us and began begging for money. I gave her 5 rupees, but she wouldn’t leave me alone. She kept grabbing at me and asked for me money. I had no more change to give out and I was not going to get my wallet out to give her money. She was persistent. She grabbed my arm. I looked over and notice that she had wiped some disgusting green substance on my arm. I got extremely mad. I wiped it off and used hand sanitizer on it. She wouldn’t leave me alone. I tried to push her away. The thing that I am not proud of is the fact that I got so angry with this woman. I wanted to hit her. I am so upset with myself for feeling this way. How can I be mad at someone who might really need my help? I will have to try harder to understand these people and not get so upset when people are begging for money from me. I need to take sometime to feel okay about this.

Here We Go

November 9, 2008
We left for our month long learning experience today. We packed up all of our things and headed for the train station. I can’t believe that we have finally come to this portion of the trip. When we arrived in August, November seemed like a lifetime away and now its here. I’m really hoping that the next month is filled with awesome experiences that I will be able to take with me for the rest of my life. Its not that I haven’t had some cool experiences yet, its just that the earlier courses were really depressing and I find it hard to have a good time when I am surrounded by all of these terrible things. We said goodbye to Visthar at about 2:30 this afternoon and we will not be back until December 6th. Our train ride to Hyderabad was about 13 hours. I introduced the people in my section to the “What If?” game and it was a huge success. Everyone really liked it. It made the first few hours of the train ride go by really fast because we were all laughing and having a good time. I was laughing harder than I have in India. It was really an awesome time. It’s hard to believe that only 10 weeks ago most of these people were strangers to me, and here we are talking and laughing like old friends. There are even hilarious inside jokes. I was so nervous at the Minneapolis airport that I didn’t really know the people I was going to be spending the next 4 months with. I guess that I had no reason to be nervous. Some of these people are truly amazing and have given more to me than I could have ever asked for.
I’m looking forward to our course on religion in India. The only thing that bothers me is the fact that I don’t think that I have really processed the first 2 courses. We went through a lot of stuff during the first 2 months in India. I don’t want to seem disinterested in what we are doing now, but how I am supposed to study religion when my mind is still stuck on something that I saw during our first tour of the slums? I suppose that this trip is just like that. You experience as much as you can while you are here and then process it once you get back to the US. I’m worried that once I get back to the US I won’t know how to process everything on my own. This is especially scary for me since I will not be around anyone who is on this trip with me. Once we get back to the US I am done with Gustavus. I suppose that I will need to find some sort of outlet for this experience. I talked to my Pastor at home and he told me that it is going to be a hard adjustment going back but my family will help me as much as they can. I guess that I can take some solace in that back in the US.
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Six Weeks to Go

Starting on November 9th I will be traveling extensively through India.  I will be in Hyderbad, New Delhi, Varanasi and Udaipur.  This traveling will last until December 6th.  I may not have access to the internet for long periods of time and that will effect how often this blog gets updated.  Don't worry if some time goes by before I have a chance to update. 

The Election Heard Around The World

November 8, 2008

Barak Obama won the election.  This is a huge moment in US history.  I am a little embarrassed that it has taken the US so long to get a person of color in the office, but at least it has happened.  I hope that Obama follows through with his promises and does not let Americans down.  He has a huge job in front of him and I know that I wouldn’t want to be the person with this task.  Our country needs a strong leader who is willing to do what is best for the country and the people.  I don’t know how I feel about Obama yet, but I’m glad that the election is finally over.  I know that there are many people who are upset that a black man is going to the president of the United States but why should that matter?  I just don’t understand why that is so important to some people.  Shouldn’t the person’s character be the most important thing?  Times are changing and the people who have serious problems with that need to open their eyes and take a good look at everything.  We can either accept these changes or let them fester inside of us.  Which choice is more painful?  Acceptance or festering hate? Sometimes we have to look at the situation and realize that there are greater things in life than who won an election.  Over the past six months I have learned that life doesn’t always turn out the way you plan and there is no purpose in letting the little things get you down.  You can’t always plan for things because life is unpredictable.  I have faith that Obama will do good things for this country. 

P.S. Congratulations Uncle Tim for earning your spot in the house!  Sorry that I didn't get to vote for you, I never received my absentee ballot.

Sick + Indian Style Toilet = BAD

November 7, 2008

Today was terrible.  I woke up this morning and was incredibly sick again.  I have been sick a lot in the past 3 weeks.  I have this feeling that my body is at the point where it can’t take much more.  We travel around a lot and are constantly exposed to new germs.  Plus, I haven’t been sleeping well so my body hasn’t been getting enough rest.  I think that I need a few days to recover, but I just don’t have the time.  We are traveling for the next 4 weeks and there will be little time for rest.  I was supposed to visit more temples today but I was unable to stop throwing up.  The leaders of our group decided to rent a hotel room for the sick kids to stay in while the rest of the group went to the temples.  I was really thankful for their sensitivity to the situation.  Andrea and Jesse stayed back with me.  I was really happy to have them with me.  This afternoon we headed back to Visthar.  It was the longest five-hour bus ride ever.  Our driver was a crazy person.  There were several times that I thought that he was going to kill us all.  I wish that I would have puked on him for being such a crappy driver.  I hate Indian drivers.  I was so happy when we finally got back to Visthar.  

Sweet, Sweet Victory

November 6, 2008

I did it!  I made it to the top of the hill at 6:30 this morning.  I realize that 670 steps doesn’t seem like a lot, but it is.  I was barefoot and now my feet are nasty and are in desperate need of a good soak.  I think that one of the first things that I will do back in the US is get a pedicure to fix these nasty feet of mine.  Wearing sandals everyday has definitely taken a toll on my feet.  Plus, I think that these feet deserve an award for walking me through India in flip-flops.  I have to give myself some credit for making it to the top today.  I was breathing hard and sweating a little, but I did it.  There were some times that I thought that I would have to turn around and wait at the bottom, but I just stopped for a minute to catch my breath and then moved ahead.  The view from the top was awesome.  Plus, I got to see the world’s largest statue of a naked man.  What could be better than that?  He is naked because it shows that he is detached from material things.  Typically there are naked monks in the area, but for some reason they are not around right now.  Where do naked monks go, and how to they get to where they going?  There’s a part of me that wishes that they had been around, because I think that the experience would have been a lot different.  We have visited many temples in India and I always feel like I don’t belong in them.  This is especially true when I look around and see people in prayer and meditation.  I feel like I’m violating these holy places with my presence.  I just don’t know how to feel I guess.

We have a lot of class time today.  I’m really tired from the sleepless night and the early morning hike.  After our first class we went to another Jain temple and watched as they anointed a statue of a man.  We were told that he is the prince of peace (strangely familiar).  Its so different from the kinds of religious rituals that I’m use to.  This ceremony lasted for about two hours, and we had to sit on the floor (fun times).  When the ritual was finally over we were blessed by the priest (I think).  It was a little strange but I’m glad that I got to see it.  This will probably be the only time in my life that I will see this and be in this spot.  After the ritual we met with the “pope” again to talk about everything that we had seen.  I’m more confused about Jainism than ever!  I understand some parts but other concepts are beyond me.  I think that I’m going to do some further research about it when we get back to Visthar.  After our final meeting we headed to another temple site.  It was another 200 steps or so to the top.  I was so tired by this point but I knew that I had to get to the top.  I pushed through and made it to the top.  I was happy that I made it because from the top we were able to witness the most beautiful sunset that I have ever seen.  I was so happy in this moment.  

What is that?

November 5, 2008

The guesthouse where we are staying is gross.  Call me high maintenance, but is it too much to ask for sheets without body fluid stains?  Maybe it’s just me…who knows.  

What the Heck is Jainism?

November 5, 2008

We left Visthar this morning around 10:00am to head out for our next field visit.  After a four-hour bus ride we arrived in Shrananabelagola.  I can’t pronounce it so don’t ask me to.  We came here to study Jainism.  As we drove up to the village our leader, Sham, pointed to our challenge.  At 6:30 tomorrow morning we are going to be climbing 670 stairs to the see a temple on top of a hill (Darshan of Bahubali).  I’m a little worried about it.  I know that it’s going to be a difficult climb and I plan to sweat my butt off.  I’m not going to be the only one with this issue, so at least I’m not alone.  I guess that I’m not going to worry about it anymore tonight.  We met with Jagadguru Karmayogi this afternoon (he’s kind of like the pope of Jainism).  When he came into the room several people bowed at his feet.  It was a little weird but I didn’t know anything about Jainism so I can’t judge.  I didn’t know anything about the Jain religion before today.  Jainism is very different from so many religions that I know about.  We were told that’s there are no gods in Jainism, only people.  Since there are no gods in this religion, idols are important.  In fact, they are the most important things.  I haven’t figured out if they pray to these idols or just meditate to them.  Its just really different from what I’m used to.  The center point of the religion is discovering what is the nature of the soul.   A person must look inward to figure this out.  Once you understand the nature of the soul, you are able to understand the entire universe.  The Jains believe that there are three bodies.  The first is the physical body, the second is a collection of molecules (includes actions and emotions), and the third body is the energy body.  The second body is the most important.  This body consists of who you were in the past and who you are in the present.  This is where anger, lust, pride and jealousy are.  It is the goal of Jains to purify this body through meditation.  Once this body is pure, one can know the universe.  During a session I asked about what happens to people if they are not pure and the leader told me that if you cannot be pure just be a good person.  Okay?  Anyway, there is so much that I don’t know about this religion and I don’t think that I will be able to get it all in 2 days.  I have so many questions, that I want to ask, but that’s India for you.  So many questions and so little time.  

More Reiki

November 4, 2008

We had another session of Reiki today.  I think that I was more into it today, but the skeptic in me just won’t let me truly believe that I am doing anything that is healing to anyone.  I have this feeling that has a lot to do with how I see western medicine.  When a person is sick they go to a doctor and get medicine, you don’t go to a spiritual healer and get touched.  I just find it hard to believe.  The experience today was hard because some people from the group really believe that Reiki works and it makes me laugh.  I didn’t want to offend anyone, but I started laughing during group Reiki.  It is just really hard for me to touch people that I don’t know.  It makes me really uncomfortable.  I am probably the last person that wants to get in on a group hug, and yet there I am hugging someone for the first time in 2 months.

The theme of personal space continues to come up for me.  Within the group it is not an issue because I think all of us have this issue with space.  We had to perform Reiki on each other today and I hated it.  My roommate and I were partners and I couldn’t look her in the face otherwise I knew that I was going to start laughing.  As she put her hands on my face I knew it was going to be a long hour.  I was laying there thinking about how uncomfortable I was.  How am I supposed to get anything out of the experience if I feel this way?  I’m glad that Reiki is over.